J529: Welcome, and I'm so sorry you're here.
When I first came here, I thought I was going to find a way to continue the marriage, and I really tuned out anyone who told me anything different. So I'm reluctant to tell you what your own marriage will look like in a few years ... divorce is hard on everybody, but particularly cruel to older women. I did not know the extent of my husband's narcissism and deception until AFTER I'd already filed for divorce, when the legal discovery phase gave me access to financial records. What he was doing in reality went far beyond anything he'd acknowledged to me.
The survival statistics for marriages that confront this issue are not promising. We have a section of this forum dedicated to couples who want to make it work, and if you haven't already read a bit there, you might want to take a look.
I was not able to face the prospect of spending the rest of my life with someone who had so little concern with my happiness and well-being. I wasn't willing to live in a home where I was being lied to. I felt my house should be a place that's completely safe, that's sacred. If I can't see my home as a sanctuary, then it's time for a better home.
