I’ve come a LONG ways. I’m still in the same house, but I have so many boundaries and my own room and bathroom (that I built for myself in the garage) so I have felt safer from his cold hatred of me for a while.
Then this news story comes along, I watched a bit too much, and I’m remembering sooo many times when my trans in denial husband has had me sobbing my guts out over his lack of caring for whether I even live or die. He’s put me in so many risky situations in the past for his own twisted temporary pleasure, and then he’s expressed such fury at me when I didn’t cooperate for my own safety’s sake... and he’s SUCH a nice guy to everyone else... it’s just so triggering. It feels like I will only be safe as long as it coincides with his own plans to look good.
I’ve been working so hard to build up resources to divorce and still be able to support all my kiddos. I’ve released a lot of my old fears that were holding me back.
But I can’t get away from the thought that he wouldn’t be sad if I was rotting in some state park somewhere just like that poor girl. And his family will absolutely always believe he’s such a sweet guy.
Last edited by OneDayAtATime (September 22, 2021 2:10 pm)