OurPath Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by OurPath, Inc., (formerly the Straight Spouse Network). OurPath is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to Straight Partners and Partners of Trans People who have discovered that their partner is LGBT+. Your contribution, no matter how small, helps us provide our community with this space for discussion and connection.


BE A DONOR >>>


You are not logged in. Would you like to login or register?



September 22, 2021 2:03 pm  #1


News story triggering old fears

I’ve come a LONG ways. I’m still in the same house, but I have so many boundaries and my own room and bathroom (that I built for myself in the garage) so I have felt safer from his cold hatred of me for a while.
Then this news story comes along, I watched a bit too much, and I’m remembering sooo many times when my trans in denial husband has had me sobbing my guts out over his lack of caring for whether I even live or die. He’s put me in so many risky situations in the past for his own twisted temporary pleasure, and then he’s expressed such fury at me when I didn’t cooperate for my own safety’s sake... and he’s SUCH a nice guy to everyone else... it’s just so triggering. It feels like I will only be safe as long as it coincides with his own plans to look good.
I’ve been working so hard to build up resources to divorce and still be able to support all my kiddos. I’ve released a lot of my old fears that were holding me back.
But I can’t get away from the thought that he wouldn’t be sad if I was rotting in some state park somewhere just like that poor girl. And his family will absolutely always believe he’s such a sweet guy.

Last edited by OneDayAtATime (September 22, 2021 2:10 pm)

 

September 22, 2021 3:03 pm  #2


Re: News story triggering old fears

OneDayAtATime wrote:

I’ve come a LONG ways. I’m still in the same house, but I have so many boundaries and my own room and bathroom (that I built for myself in the garage) so I have felt safer from his cold hatred of me for a while.
Then this news story comes along, I watched a bit too much.....I can’t get away from the thought that he wouldn’t be sad if I was rotting in some state park somewhere just like that poor girl. And his family will absolutely always believe he’s such a sweet guy.

 

Boundaries are good. Boundaries show that you have the strength to make, hold and keep them. Distraction is what you need. Everytime when what he thinks/does/may do/says fills your head and makes your thoughts dwell on this horrible situation...you need a distraction to stop it all filling your mind. I used a mantra. I'd say to myself "it doesn't matter what he thinks, or says, or does...anymore" I got him out of my head.!
I would wake in the night and not be able to get back to sleep because my mind would hop on that analytical train to no-fucking-where and leave me tired and exhausted. But now I have the boundary of a separate room I can turn on the radio beside my bed and listen to other peoples voices. 
There are a couple of websites I use to distract me too. I spend a lot of my days alone, but not lonely

Triggering stuff was a problem....until I decided to be stronger than the triggers. Fuck'em

*hugs* Elle
 


KIA KAHA                       
 

September 22, 2021 5:15 pm  #3


Re: News story triggering old fears

That is great progress, OneDay!  You'll get there sooner than you think.

I've taken a long-term news diet for the past few years. There's only so much a human being can handle.

Keep concentrating on your goals. This is a momentary blip on your radar.  Your STBX has no power over you.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

September 24, 2021 9:07 am  #4


Re: News story triggering old fears

Having your own bedroom would help. Leaving the lesbian or homosexual and marrying a straight person is bliss. I wish you the best of luck.

 

Board footera

 

Powered by Boardhost. Create a Free Forum