Bisexual doesn't necessarily mean cheat. Attraction isn't the same as commitment. My general attraction towards women does not go away when I marry someone. I've chosen commitment to one as more important than attraction to the rest. If that attraction starts to outweigh my commitment, there's a problem.

Bi is not an automatic pass to explore outside the relationship. If monogamy matters to you, it matters, end of story. We are not thralls to our libido.

You found no evidence of him actually meeting someone. Let's suppose he did and deleted the evidence. Why would he not have also deleted the earlier initial contacts? If he slipped up, why wouldn't he have slipped up on at least one contact?  There's no way to know for certain, but I think it's unlikely for someone to be so meticulous in covering his tracks in one area, yet sloppy in another. I would also expect there would be a device involved, such as a phone, that is closely guarded.

This doesn't mean the thoughts don't exist. If he's bi but doesn't want to admit it, you are at an impasse. If he has this attraction or curiosity eating away at him, what does this mean down the road? 

It comes back to full disclosure and communication. We all make mistakes. What matters is how we address them.

Sara,
 Your husband is not bisexual.  He is exhibiting the behavior of an autogynephile (a man who is aroused by the thought of himself as a woman).  Autogynephilia is a sexual paraphilia, one characterized by what is called "an erotic targeting error"; they are essentially heterosexual, but their interest in actual women (you) competes with their interest in themselves as women.  Such men may, however, also want when they are dressed as women to be validated by other men, because to them that "proves" their attractiveness and their status as women.
  Autogynephilia is complex and hard for people without paraphilias to understand. 

I've included a few sources below that can explain it to you.   

Michael Bailey, "The Man Who Would Be Queen."  It's available online and downloadable.  Bailey is a research psychologist at Northwestern Univ.  

Anne Lawrence, "Men Trapped in Men's Bodies/Becoming What We Love."  Lawrence is a trans person and an MD, a psychologist who treated (now retired) trans identified males.  Lawrence maintains an online presence and there are articles there. http://www.annelawrence.com/autogynephilia_&_MtF_typology.html 

Autogynephilia: An Underappreciated Paraphilia Anne A. Lawrence Department of Psychology, University of Lethbridge, Lethbridge, Alta., Canada https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/3eb9/a449b840ef525436454c4f658b8d364d194f.pdf

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (September 22, 2021 8:45 pm)

We have very similar stories. He will only be able to suppress this for so long and then he will act on it. So unless you are ok with that exit the relationship