Posted by lily  August 1, 2021 9:15 pm | #21 |
Cor, well done! so glad to hear how things have gone.
yes it is extraordinary isn't it from the outside looking in. My ex talked about being bisexual including just about swooning talking about the men in his youth and we talked for two weeks and then he announces he has changed his mind he is 100% straight. And I might just be a little nuts if I think he is gay.
Lies carry the day every day even though it is truth that remains at the end of the day. That's what I concluded, liars, deniers expect to be believed for a least long enough to get what they want. and largely they are,
when it got down to the wire and he was going to have to face up to a divorce he hugged me and said he loved me. I hesitated for a moment before leaning into it and looked up into his face, he didn't expect that and I saw how calculated it was.
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Posted by Soaplife August 1, 2021 10:49 pm | #22 |
Wow, Daisy, I KNEW you were a kick-ass grandma!
I'm so glad you decided not to play his nasty game, and talked to a trusted family member instead. Now block him on every possible avenue of communication.
People like your ex are impossible to have an honest trusting relationship with because they are not honest and you can't trust them.
My ex used to send me crazy angry stuff like that - blaming me for everything ... then saying he hoped we could be friends 'for the childrens sake'...then turning nasty again, all in the same message.
What the actual f*ck? Can't they hear themselves? Who stays friends with someone who abuses them like that? And tells lies that YOU BOTH KNOW are lies?
Fantastic that you decided not to engage. Stay strong. He might keep trying to reel you back in, even if you do block him.
It may be through your daughter or other family members, but don't fall for it. Tell them the truth and be firm in your refusal to engage.
These people are very manipulative and sly.
Last edited by Soaplife (August 1, 2021 11:07 pm)
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Posted by Rob August 1, 2021 11:10 pm | #23 |
Daisy,
I read the all caps text you got and it reminded of when my GX would yell at me. She basically thought if she screamed something loud enough that made it true. It doesn't and action speak louder than words (quiet or loud).
Your experiencing the horribleness of TGT. There are no take backs regardless of what he does or says now..the distrust will always be there. Ie.is he meeting a buddy for a beer or is it a date? Why should you have to wonder?
Words and actions he can never take back.
Keep reaching out for support and help.
Definitely do not reply to texts like that..
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
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Posted by Daryl August 2, 2021 9:10 am | #24 |
If you read enough of our personal stories, you see many cases of a partner disclosing their orientation and then try to walk it back. I think there are a couple of reasons why this happens.
1. Consequences. The spouse realizes the weight of what they have disclosed and does not want the relationship to change. They change their mind and supply various reasons for what they said earlier and blame other events and people.
2. Control. The non-straight spouse may feel the need to control the narrative. Either as a way to keep you in line or to present to others as being the wronged party.
Like others, I think the right move was to not respond. It's bait with a hook inside. If this is a discussion you must have, let it take place when you are ready, not via a text message stick-poke.
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
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