OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Open Marriage? Would love some feedback and support

**Posted by newtotheclub** July 23, 2021 5:19 pm

Mybestfriendisbi wrote:
Here we are a year later and we decided he can still see men on the side, friends with benefits . But with him being bi, he also wants to see females. This makes me feel strange and like I would be craving more attention from him. When we were fully open, he was seeing men and women, but I was still not completely okay with the women part.

It seems like he gets ALL he wants. I understand the concept of opening the marriage to let your partner explore their same sex curiousities but sleeping with other women seems like that is too much. I find the whole thing about wanting kinky sex with other women a form of manipulation to make it ok to do it. I am not sure that marriage is what he wants and maybe you are accomodating more than you are comfortable with.

Hope that you find answers here and support. All the best

**Posted by Daryl** July 23, 2021 5:34 pm

I would never accept that sort of deal, nor would I offer it to my partner. That being said, it's not up to me to decide other peoples boundaries. If two people decide they are happy with this sort of arrangement, that's their business.

Ordinary Guy - you make a good point about self-control. The idea that a bi spouse must fulfill their needs with partners of both sexes is a bit dodgy to me.

To get back to the original poster, Mybestfriendisbi, you need to decide if this arrangement is something you can live with for the long term, or if it will eat you up from the inside. If it's the later, will your best friend choose to prioritize your mental health over his pleasure?

**Posted by TangledOil** July 23, 2021 5:44 pm

Daryl wrote:
I would never accept that sort of deal, nor would I offer it to my partner. That being said, it's not up to me to decide other peoples boundaries. If two people decide they are happy with this sort of arrangement, that's their business.

Ordinary Guy - you make a good point about self-control. The idea that a bi spouse must fulfill their needs with partners of both sexes is a bit dodgy to me.

To get back to the original poster, Mybestfriendisbi, you need to decide if this arrangement is something you can live with for the long term, or if it will eat you up from the inside. If it's the later, will your best friend choose to prioritize your mental health over his pleasure?

Daryl,

You sound like the voice of reason. Thank you. I mean this sincerely.

Tangled

**Posted by Lynne** July 23, 2021 7:30 pm

Ordinary guy wrote:
.If I have this level of self control as an adult, why can’t a “Bi” spouse show the same restraint,

Because these deceptive users are not adults. They only have mature bodies, not minds.

**Posted by Lyla** July 23, 2021 8:53 pm

Literally scratching my head wondering how anyone would even have the time for this....a wife, a boyfriend, and a girlfriend. Does he not work...or have hobbies/friends/children to look after?

You're both adults and get to decide what type of relationship you want (together...being the operative word)...but it really doesn't seem like this man treats you very well....Honestly, would it be so terrible if you fell for another man and got to experience a relationship where you're more than enough?

**Posted by Ordinary guy** July 24, 2021 2:13 pm

Lyla wrote:
Literally scratching my head wondering how anyone would even have the time for this....a wife, a boyfriend, and a girlfriend. Does he not work...or have hobbies/friends/children to look after?

You're both adults and get to decide what type of relationship you want (together...being the operative word)...but it really doesn't seem like this man treats you very well....Honestly, would it be so terrible if you fell for another man and got to experience a relationship where you're more than enough?

You are quite right Lyla. This woman deserves to be loved and respected, cherished and protected by a man who simply loves her more than himself. She is genuinely more than enough and more than her husband deserves. The very act of accepting an open marriage for the benefit of your partner alone is self demeaning and puts you in a position of dependency. The rules can change at any time as far as he is concerned. Today it’s the wife, tomorrow it’s another man, at the weekend it’s other women. Who knows, next week it could be kitchen utensils or agricultural equipment. Literally, fuck it why not!

Oh, sorry Lyla. He does indeed seem to have a bit of hobby. Just makes stamp collecting look a bit tame.

4897 days...

Last edited by Ordinary guy (July 24, 2021 2:17 pm)

**Posted by Mybestfriendisbi** July 26, 2021 6:00 am

Thank you all for responses. We have two kids together, so it is complicated but I’m beginning to realize how bad this is and how life is too short to feel this way.

He literally told me last night that I am the reason he has shame and that I am a homophobic person. That couldn’t be further from the truth. It doesn’t matter what I say to defend myself because he doesn’t believe me.

I think our marriage is over.

**Posted by inkundermyskin** July 27, 2021 7:25 am

best friend-
without going into great detail ill say this.
one for all, and all for one. relationships work in mysterious ways, but at its core, its based off teamwork. if you BOTH cant agree on the dynamics, then your only sitting in the corner, waiting for it to blow up again. its not a matter of if, but when. it sounds like regardless of what you say, he will do what he wants. so that leaves it like this,
you either live being denied the attention that he wont give you, and suffer from the abuse that comes with that, or you slowly, painfully, regrettably move on.