OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Just needing feedback from people who "Get It"

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** April 18, 2021 8:50 pm

Carly1227 wrote:
you guys have really helped me through a BAD Day!

How's it all been Carly?

Elle

**Posted by clintonia** April 18, 2021 9:07 pm

Victo wrote:
My narcissist-gay-in-denial-ex-wife once said that ‘marriage is a battle for moral superiority.’ And she literally meant it.... [T]here was zero moral introspection on her part when it came to her deceit. She still feels morally superior even now after the divorce. She has never apologized for her absurd behavior and likely never will.

I empathize with you on this, Victo!

I feel for you Carly. The quarantine has been hard in general, but it's especially difficult in manipulative situations. Elle has started with some great steps! Sending lots of good wishes your way.

**Posted by JoDownUnder** April 19, 2021 12:16 am

Hi Carly. I'm very sorry for your current situation. He sounds truly awful. Please see a lawyer and make certain your finances are safe regardless of whether you leave him.or not. I'm 61 and last year I got a much better job - permanent full-time which I'm happy about.

I think that you will be much happier of you leave him and get a job you like. Please do what you can so he can't rip you off.

I have 2 senior dogs with heart conditions and love them dearly so empathise.

**Posted by Rob** April 19, 2021 11:40 am

Carly,

I can identify with the controlling by anger. Fear, obligations and guilt were my GXs main attributes but she was never happy even when I bent over backwards and was totally compliant. I will not say their anger gets any better..more like as you take back your life and stop needing anything from them their anger just becomes rants of a crazy person. ..you start to see the abnormality and unkindness in their treatment of you..like even a stranger would be kinder.

Slow and steady..baby steps forward..the mills of God grind slowly but they grind exceedingly fine.

**Posted by Upside** April 22, 2021 12:56 pm

Amazing advice here.

My only addition might be a reframe: maybe you needed this exact moment of pain to take the next step.

If you can't rely on your husband while depressed, locked in a room with him, during a global pandemic, then why in the Hell is he there?

When I was in couples therapy my counselor said "Marriage is here to make your lives better" and it was like a canned laugh track went off in my mind. Better? Ha - really?!! I was so accustomed to a world where I was putting out someone else's endless fires that I forgot that we were both supposed to be made stronger by it.

When you evening routine isn't working you mix it up. When a process at work is broken, you flag it and change it. And when your husband who is adding more problems to your plate than solving, you be honest with your husband to what you need (comfort, sex, not being a creepy a-hole) and/or contact an expert to help you see what your options are.

We have one life. One.

What would you ten years from now tell you to do today?