I have a thin line of paranoia running through me right now. I have known, although I never used to call it that, that my husband "gaslit" me on our honeymoon. The 3rd night as I approached the bed, seductively, he started talking about people putting cameras in hotel rooms to film folks having sex and then putting it on the internet. "We wouldn't want that to happen to us, would we? That would be embarassing! What if our mother's saw that!" Such BS!! I think I knew he just didn't want to have sex with me then; but was just devastated, having been a virgin up until my honeymoon, and certain that it was because, I was sooo undesirable and unexperienced that he was rejecting me. It was because of me. Maybe I should have "practiced" before marriage so that I would know what I was doing when I got to him. OMG!!!!!!

This January he admitted that he was scared that sex with a female, his bride on his honeymoon,  just didn't match up to what he had hoped it would be; but because of his SSA issues. He admitted to knowing he was manipulating me, although he didn't use the word "manipulated." That would be cruel and he is not a cruel person. Yeah, right. Wink. I finally gave up, humiliated, and laid down next to him that night and held his hand while he very quickly fell asleep. I was grateful he fell asleep so quickly because my eyes were welling up with tears. Once he started snoring I went into the bathroom and started crying...on my honeymoon.

What is figuratively tearing my heart to pieces and breaking my brain right now as we both fill out divorce papers is that he told me this week that he didn't fall asleep as quickly as I had thought on that 3rd night of our honeymoon and he said it with a MF wink. I flat-out asked him if he knew I was in the bathroom crying and he said yes. WTF!!! And then proceeded to attempt, unsuccessfully I must say, to insist that I has a small part to blame in the demise of our marriage in that I didn't make him feel wanted. He didn't get a sense in our married life that I wanted him sexually; so he turned to his weakness. I can't remember who it was who has used the phrase recently in this forum; but I believe my husband has "lost his damn mind!"   And he has tried to take my mind with him. What kind of twisted human would put on an Oscar-winning performance of falling asleep and snoring to manipulate someone???I mean, he even had his little leg twitch that he does before he falls asleep. What kind of person would make their spouse cry on their honeymoon and not react to it, pretend it didn't happen? How cruel!!

I am so blessed to have found this forum where I can validate this insanity.