I'd suggest you jump onto the main SSN webpage at straightspouse.org and click on the "contact us" link to send a support request. Then expect one of their first responders to reach out to you. There are also support groups in a number of places but I expect almost all meetings are virtual these days.

In the mean time we've compiled a pinned post in the general section of this board that we called the first aid kit. Worth a read, even if some parts are not applicable to you. There are also many people here who have much wisdom gained by experience.

Overwhelmed is probably the main emotion most of us have initially. Don't panic, remember to breathe. Get your bearings and then choose a direction. Don't blame yourself for believing your spouse when he said he didn't know what was wrong with him. There's nothing to feel foolish about here. Also don't minimize what you saw leading up to this event or any falsehoods that were offered. We all have the right to set our boundaries and which way our moral compass points.

You can also use this board to help you in your journey. Ask questions, vent, work through the shock, anger, hurt. You will likely experience many emotions. It can be a bit of a roller coaster but you can survive it.
 

Thank you.  I’m still trying to find a counselor or therapist. I just need someone to talk to. I have two very dear friends that I have leaned on throughout this.  They have been wonderful but can’t direct me from a place they haven’t been. Pandemic isn’t helping the situation. I am safe and not in the same home as he is. That is a blessing. 
I caught him. Actually had no idea, thought he was involved in drugs due to his behavior. He actually tried to blame me for where I found him. Gaslighting. Ha! Didn’t even realize that is what it was called all these years!  Then he felt bad, never admitted or was completely honest. Then he changed his story that he had a porn addiction.  I don’t know if I believed that or wanted to believe that. Regardless, he lied.  He’s lied for a long time. It’s been 3 months since my world exploded. A tiger doesn’t change his stripes, behaviors are coming back. Before I was to accept and have compassion for his inability to connect and his ER.  I did. Now I supposed to have sympathy for how hard his therapy is.
I’m not and I won’t!  He has apologized to the kids for never being there. Has given me all the credit for raising them. I don’t need his credit and they don’t need to be told that, they lived it. He Wasn’t honest in the least about anything else, just said I found him in a place that he should not have been and he was ashamed. What he needs to be ashamed about is his deception, the way he treated me and our children..  He’s ashamed of himself, which is the entire problem.
He used me and them as a cloak.  He couldn’t face himself, be honest with himself and lied to me.  He knew I had commitment to him, our marriage and family. He knew the truth all along. Had I known the truth I would have left long ago.
I’m trying to prepare the house to sell, get divorced and be done!! 
There is no turning back.

There will be brighter days.  I didn't''t sign on for this.  His deception is what is so appalling.  He used every excuse imaginable and all that left me with having commission for his inabilities.  The realization that he was so calculating, is absolutely heartbreaking.  I did put in a request and someone emailed last night and again today.  I'm hoping I can connect with someone soon.

Brighter Days,
   You'll be ok.  You are seeing clearly.  It is heartbreaking, hurts, and will continue to hurt while you think through just how deep and how far his deceptions go, but you will be ok.   I can tell by the way you are thinking about what he's done.  The insights will help counter the pain, and they will give you strength.
Signed, one who has been through it.