OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / definition of success?

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** September 30, 2020 9:10 pm

Phoenix,
I'm done with the Forum and out of here.
People can delude themselves all they want but I'm not going to be a party to it.

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (September 30, 2020 9:22 pm)

**Posted by TangledOil** September 30, 2020 9:37 pm

OOHC,

Are you saying that people who choose to stay in a MOM are deluding themselves? I have suspected on some level for our entire 28+ years together. I honestly wouldn’t change a thing other than wishing my husband hadn’t been sexually abused by a teen male when he was young and wishing that he’d figured things out sooner and accepted all of himself sooner. I have no regrets staying and I’m certainly not deluding myself.

**Posted by TangledOil** September 30, 2020 9:39 pm

Whirligig,

I’ve repeatedly heard 1/6 MOMs last beyond 3 years after disclosure.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** September 30, 2020 9:44 pm

Tangled Oil.
Yes I am .

**Posted by TangledOil** September 30, 2020 9:54 pm

Ok... that’s ridiculous in my opinion. You can’t possibly know what goes on in another persons private relationship. I understand your view though based on what you experienced.

**Posted by Whirligig** September 30, 2020 10:23 pm

While I appreciate you sharing what you've heard, I'm referring to actual statistical data with percentages, verifiable sources, etc.

And while only tangentially related, I'm afraid I'm with OOHC. Leading people to believe in unlikely outcomes isn't doing people any favors and I don't really support that. I'm all about honesty. It's the gaslighting lies I wanted to get away from when I sought support here.

To actively endorse those unlikely outcomes seems like passive abuse from a source that says it's about supporting people. It's the so-called unicorn that keeps people in abusive relationships and I can't support that either. If it had remained on the designated board I was willing to respect it but it appears that the whole board is likely to be MOM focused now. So I think I'll be leaving as well. I'm healing and don't want to derail that with more of what I've read on here recently. OOHC gave excellent advice. I'll always be grateful to her. And by the way, Dutchman, for future reference slander is verbal. Libel is written. And I still stand by what I said. No one has to stick around for abuse.

**Posted by TangledOil** September 30, 2020 10:39 pm

I’ve never felt like I’ve been the victim of gaslighting or lies. Everyone’s experience is unique. Yes, my husband left out some very painful details of his childhood (being sexually abused by a teen male). I understand his reasons for keeping that info to himself. Believe me, I questioned why I wasn’t told about the abuse years earlier, but I completely understand his reasoning. The statistic of 1/6 was posted here on SSN I believe. I’ll have to find the data again.

**Posted by TangledOil** September 30, 2020 10:45 pm

Here’s some info discussing 1 in 6. I’ve seen it stated in studies quite frequently.

https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1300/J159v04n01_06

Last edited by TangledOil (September 30, 2020 11:21 pm)

**Posted by TangledOil** September 30, 2020 10:58 pm

Oh, did anyone else get the SSN survey email? By that I’d guess someone is looking to make changes to this site.

**Posted by Lynne** September 30, 2020 11:11 pm

.

Last edited by Lynne (October 3, 2020 5:17 pm)