OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / June 14 SSN Podcast

**Posted by MomOfFour** June 26, 2019 3:12 pm

With Dr Malebranche about MSM, blah blah blah - about made me want to throw my iPhone out the window.
Heads up to the listener looking for answers and advice - more like “too bad, so sad” - so much swirl. Wish I hadn’t listened at all.
Just call it what it is. Down low = GID. Sorry.

**Posted by phoenix** July 15, 2019 3:10 pm

Sorry you didn't enjoy this episode. Some of them can be triggering to people who have been hurt so badly as we have.

There are many other episodes of the podcast that are extremely helpful. I hope you give them another chance.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** July 16, 2019 2:33 pm

I listened til about a third of the way into this podcast and then realised it had nothing at all to do
with what *I* am going through. It felt like salt in the wound.
And I see there was another podcast with the same doctor, which I did not listen to.

**Posted by phoenix** July 16, 2019 3:42 pm

You are all correct about that podcast episode being more about the gay man experience than ours. However, there are a lot of str8 spouses who are in need of understanding about how/why their spouse did what they did. It's good to have an understanding of the other perspective. Even though their actions were awful, knowing why can help us come to a place of healing that you might not reach if you are constantly trying to understand why.

**Posted by lily** July 16, 2019 5:54 pm

Hi Phoenix, I don't have the wherewithal to listen to the ;podcasts so I am asking you directly - what reasons do the gay men make?

If it is homophobia then that's just more of the same blame shifting we've all endured in our marriages.

**Posted by phoenix** July 27, 2019 9:38 am

lily wrote:
Hi Phoenix, I don't have the wherewithal to listen to the ;podcasts so I am asking you directly - what reasons do the gay men make?

If it is homophobia then that's just more of the same blame shifting we've all endured in our marriages.

I've heard so many excuses from the stories told on this site and through podcasts, etc..
-They tried not to be gay
-They didn't want to be seen as gay
-They thought they could learn to love a woman
-They were scared of discrimination
-They thought they could be happy without the sexual part of love
-They didn't know they were gay at the time
-They were just fulfilling expectations of their family or church
-They thought gay was a sin so they chose a straight wife
-They wanted to have a family

Then there is those whole pandora's box about their excuses for watching gay porn, cheating, having relationships with men, etc.. It's too much to try to list.

But I want to go back to my original point.
So many people get stuck in the healing process trying to understand how or why their spouse/partner made those decisions. They just obsess over the "why" because it doesn't make sense. So having a resource like the long thread in this forum by Sean or podcast episodes where you can go to learn more about the why can be a big help. It can free your mind from the torment so that you can move forward with your healing.