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June 26, 2019 3:12 pm  #1


June 14 SSN Podcast

With Dr Malebranche about MSM, blah blah blah - about made me want to throw my iPhone out the window. 
Heads up to the listener looking for answers and advice - more like “too bad, so sad” - so much swirl.   Wish I hadn’t listened at all. 
Just call it what it is. Down low = GID.  Sorry.

 

July 15, 2019 3:10 pm  #2


Re: June 14 SSN Podcast

Sorry you didn't enjoy this episode.  Some of them can be triggering to people who have been hurt so badly as we have. 

There are many other episodes of the podcast that are extremely helpful.  I hope you give them another chance. 

 


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

July 16, 2019 7:03 am  #3


Re: June 14 SSN Podcast

I didn't care for this episode either. The audience for this was for gay men who struggled with their orientation and were honest with family. It was an odd choice for SSN as it did not address our concerns or reflect our experiences.

People who are highly educated are sometimes given a pass to speak about subjects they have scant knowledge in.. I would suggest the moderators closely listen to what is being said. Don't be dazzled by educational achievement.

 

July 16, 2019 2:33 pm  #4


Re: June 14 SSN Podcast

I listened til about a third of the way into this podcast and then realised it had nothing at all to do 
with what *I* am going through. It felt like salt in the wound.
And I see there was another podcast with the same doctor, which I did not listen to. 

 


** ...look pressure in the eye,  
walk towards it... **


 
 

July 16, 2019 3:42 pm  #5


Re: June 14 SSN Podcast

You are all correct about that podcast episode being more about the gay man experience than ours.  However, there are a lot of str8 spouses who are in need of understanding about how/why their spouse did what they did.  It's good to have an understanding of the other perspective.  Even though their actions were awful, knowing why can help us come to a place of healing that you might not reach if you are constantly trying to understand why. 


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

July 16, 2019 5:54 pm  #6


Re: June 14 SSN Podcast

Hi Phoenix, I don't have the wherewithal to listen to the ;podcasts so I am asking you directly - what reasons do the gay men make?

If it is homophobia then that's just more of the same blame shifting we've all endured in our marriages.

 

 

July 16, 2019 10:58 pm  #7


Re: June 14 SSN Podcast

I listened to it again The scholarship is poor.

Gay/Homosexual stereotypes existed before the 60s (Gay liberation movement after the Stonewall riots is what he's talking about). There are other reasons for male Haitians prostituting themselves besides earning money to feed families -- they are gay and/or have a drug/alcohol/gambling/sex addiction.

The guest is talking about his own experience as a bisexual man. Again, lack of scholarship and analyzing all angles of the issue fairly.

His specialty is sexually transmitted disease as an internal medicine doctor. He's not a psychiatrist.

Here is a listing of publications he's authored/co-authored from PubMed.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/?term=David+Malebranche

I take back that the host was fawning. She was polite, but said I don't think much has been resolved here when addressing him towards the end. I agree.

 

July 27, 2019 9:38 am  #8


Re: June 14 SSN Podcast

lily wrote:

Hi Phoenix, I don't have the wherewithal to listen to the ;podcasts so I am asking you directly - what reasons do the gay men make?

If it is homophobia then that's just more of the same blame shifting we've all endured in our marriages.

 

I've heard so many excuses from the stories told on this site and through podcasts, etc.. 
-They tried not to be gay
-They didn't want to be seen as gay
-They thought they could learn to love a woman
-They were scared of discrimination
-They thought they could be happy without the sexual part of love
-They didn't know they were gay at the time 
-They were just fulfilling expectations of their family or church
-They thought gay was a sin so they chose a straight wife
-They wanted to have a family

Then there is those whole pandora's box about their excuses for watching gay porn, cheating, having relationships with men, etc..   It's too much to try to list. 


But I want to go back to my original point. 
So many people get stuck in the healing process trying to understand how or why their spouse/partner made those decisions.  They just obsess over the "why" because it doesn't make sense.   So having a resource like the long thread in this forum by Sean or podcast episodes where you can go to learn more about the why can be a big help.  It can free your mind from the torment so that you can move forward with your healing. 

 


-Formerly "Lostdad" - I now embrace the username "phoenix" because my former life ended in flames, but my new life will be spectacular. 

 
 

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