OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Bisexual or a Lesbian?

**Posted by Laurence** June 13, 2019 8:56 pm

Your situation sounds similar to what I experienced. In my case the splitting hairs re lesbian and bisexual was said just to give me a little hope while she carried on with affair and they decided how they were going to exit the marriages.

Be alert about being manipulated and think carefully about what your needs are and if they are being met.

**Posted by Rob** June 15, 2019 5:12 am

BB,

I hope you don't mind...here is your chump lady reply;
https://www.chumplady.com/2019/06/dear-chump-lady-my-wife-cheated-with-a-woman/

I gotta say as someone who's been out of this for years chump lady's reply is so very very helpful in bringing clarity and reality to all this. Wish I had written her back then as my GX blamed me for everything.. And like chump lady said it was the poor me story when my lawyer said no..

Sometimes I think we need a third party like chump lady to hit us on the head and wake us up and bring us back to real reality. These spouses are crappy and hurtful and wrong..

Good luck, you are doing fine, keep building your support system and taking care of those kids.

**Posted by Steve** June 15, 2019 3:07 pm

In my experience some women who are on the bisexual spectrum have a ‘habit’ of wanting to change their sexual orientation to suit their present situation.

If they are with a man they might call themselves ‘straight’. If they are single or playing both sides of the field they might call themselves ‘bisexual’. And if they are dating another woman they might call themselves a ‘lesbian’ because there’s a lot of kudos in the lesbian world to be ‘pure’ lesbian.

Some people generously call this ‘fluidity’. I call it ‘orientation convenience’.

My ex-wife was straight... so I thought... for the 16 years we were married. She even said so. In spite of 16 years of sex (and plenty of orgasms on her part) suddenly she was lesbian. Me: “huh?!?” Hello TGT

After several failed lesbian relationships she now doesn’t want to be with anyone. Guess what she now claims her sexual orientation is?? Asexual!!

See what I mean by ‘orientation convenience’?

My take: She was, is and always will be bisexual. Whether she’s with a man, a woman or alone she is simply bisexual.

I know that she is ‘entitled’ (apparently) to choose whatever sexual orientation she wants to be on any given day but I’m a simple man with a tendency to believe that leopards don’t change their spots.

Last edited by Steve (June 15, 2019 3:16 pm)

**Posted by OnMyOwnTwoFeet** June 15, 2019 6:59 pm

Steve wrote:
Some people generously call this ‘fluidity’. I call it ‘orientation convenience’.
.....
I know that she is ‘entitled’ (apparently) to choose whatever sexual orientation she wants to be on any given day but I’m a simple man with a tendency to believe that leopards don’t change their spots.

LOL! Thanks Simple Steve! I loved this! I love the "I'm a simple man" because it just shows how really hard it is when we try to work through the whole "huh?!" That our spouses control the definition, meaning they can change it or whatever, makes it especially hard. I am going to try to find the Simple Man version of things more!

**Posted by Blue Bear** June 30, 2019 1:19 pm

Chump Lady nailed it. She gave me the name “Beard Boy” when I told her to summon her creative muse for a name for me.

I also encourage you to read through the lengthy comments. The Chump Nation has some great insights and a sharp sense of humor.

I thanked her, and she gave me some more great and brief advice. “Hang in there. Do the hard things. Life is so much better on the other side of a fucktwit.”

**Posted by Rob** June 30, 2019 4:11 pm

Blue Bear wrote:
Chump Lady nailed it. She gave me the name “Beard Boy” when I told her to summon her creative muse for a name for me.
I also encourage you to read through the lengthy comments. The Chump Nation has some great insights and a sharp sense of humor.
I thanked her, and she gave me some more great and brief advice. “Hang in there. Do the hard things. Life is so much better on the other side of a fucktwit.”

That is some pretty good advice.. I concur, thumbs up.

I'm sitting here looking at the evening sky, drinking a darn good beer, and thinking how much better my life is...how horribly I was treated divorcing my hurtful and lying GX, How hard it was at the time ..how demonic. But, now , how much better I am with.kind, honest people in my life. I say walk forward, stay the course, and get to a life where abuse is an abnormal thing of the past..

**Posted by lily** June 30, 2019 4:14 pm

oh. I am glad to hear it was Chump Lady who came up with that name and not you. Blue Bear is much much nicer.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** June 30, 2019 4:33 pm

Rob,
That is WONDERFUL to hear! You sound so much better now. Normal, even. Who knew normal could feel so extraordinary?!