OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / " We're so relieved you found us...! "

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** January 18, 2019 2:09 pm

Ever since I joined the forum I see the words "....sorry you find yourself here " in many posts to new-comers

We have nothing to be apologetic about....we should be building people up.

It's a personal objection, the phrase "sorry you find yourself here" has never sat well with me.

**Posted by phoenix** January 18, 2019 2:18 pm

Perhaps it's a difference in understanding or usage of the word "sorry".

In this case the word sorry is not an apology as though WE have wronged someone. The word sorry is a expression of compassion and understanding of the pain and misfortune for that person having this awful experience in their life.

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/sorry
"sorry"
ADJECTIVE

predicative
Feeling sad or distressed through sympathy with someone else's misfortune.‘I was sorry to hear about what happened to your family’

sorry for - Filled with compassion for.‘I felt sorry for the poor boys working for him’

You are welcome to use whichever term you wish to welcome new-comers. I choose to express my sympathy for their pain.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** January 18, 2019 4:12 pm

phoenix wrote:

Yip Phoenix.....definitely a different understanding of the use of it. And I wouldn't denounce anyone who uses it,
but wanted to add my thoughts

I wasn't sorry to find myself here. In fact....it's been a lift to my self-confidence, it has extended my understanding of the situation I found myself in, given me the strength to move forward and I can't think where I would be now if I hadn't found you all

**Posted by Estella Oculus** January 18, 2019 5:48 pm

I really love that you brought this up, Ellexoh. Speaking for myself, I think it is easy for me to fall into the trap of using a rote introductory phrase. I mean it in genuine terms, but I am using it in part because it is an easy routine. (Like: "Hello! How are you?") I think "Welcome! We are so glad you found our forums!" sounds like an awesome substitute... if I can manage to remember it

Last edited by Estella Oculus (January 18, 2019 5:49 pm)

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** January 18, 2019 8:19 pm

Estella Oculus wrote:
..

Cheers Estella

**Posted by jkc1214** January 20, 2019 6:34 pm

It's so interesting that you bring this up. I have started telling people at work that I have asked my husband for a divorce, although I have left out the real reason and just said he cheated on me. I don't feel right about outing him against his wishes. Anyway, a coworker came up to me a few days later practically crying and saying how sorry she is for me and acting like the world was ending.

I don't feel that way at all. I FINALLY feel free and it's a wonderful feeling. For 13 years I've held onto this secret and tried to make do in my marriage and it really stole me from myself. Now I can be me again and enjoy life!!! Asking for the divorce has made such a difference in how I'm feeling. I feel like it's something to celebrate but others don't see it that way unfortunately.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** January 20, 2019 7:01 pm

jkc1214 wrote:
It's so interesting that you bring this up...... I feel like it's something to celebrate but others don't see it that way unfortunately.

I've wanted to say something about it for a while...and even though it's not something felt by everybody....felt that it's an important enough distinction that I could voice confidently. Thanks JKC