OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Keeping Photos?

**Posted by Rob** December 21, 2017 3:10 am

Lil, count,

I think I started telling my family when I realized her loyalty had shifted from me to her girlfriend. I'm trying to forget the rage when she found out I told my family. Crazy how they want us to keep all our problems secret...remain loyal...remain isolated..remain true to the marriage...but they don't have to...like they are gods. Its narcissism.

Yeah Count I was replaced by a 0 out of 10.

Oh..and I kept photos never to look at but to remind me that the past was real and really happened. Also for the kids.
.I will not be ashamed of my past..but nor will I live in it.

Last edited by Rob (December 21, 2017 3:13 am)

**Posted by Debbie** December 21, 2017 4:14 am

Count , I told my parents and the rest of my family the day I found out as I knew there was no talking about what I found out ,as the evidence was in front of my eyes and it was over for me from the minute I found out ,going for gay massage and watching gay porn is what I found out) but I suspect much more , I'm so glad I told them straight away because of the support they gave me , I kicked him out of the house , wouldn't go for 4 days but before he went I had binned all our wedding albums and binned every card and every sentimental thing he had ever bought me , took every picture down of him and they went in the bin aswell. I did this for me because I knew he would never be a part of my life again and day one was the beginning of starting a new life without him. I had bad days but never went down into the depths of depression because I wSnt going to let him do that to me , it's 4 months now and I do miss him sometimes but never regretted my decision although it was very very hard wen he was begging me and crying but I just thought , NO I'm just gonner get on with my life and these painful thoughts will eventually fade into a nothing , but yeh I think what the others say of telling your family is so good because you have the support and I didn't want to keep his secret for him , I had no reason too. If you think your family would be a good support it's best to tell them obviously depending on if they will be a support for you

**Posted by Debbie** December 21, 2017 4:19 am

My ex called me a horrible person for telling my family and friends, I said to him what you have done is much much worse than me telling people and you are a way more horrible person for doing that behind my back for 6 years lol 😂 Couldn't believe his cheek and I said I'm not going to lie to my family and friends for the reason for us breaking up , you had no loyalty to me and now I've got non to you

**Posted by lily** December 21, 2017 4:19 am

yes Rob, the rage when the closet is breached is truly scary. Underlying it all I think that is the main reason, not that I was aware of it exactly but I think I was simply scared to tell because some part of me knew to be scared of how he would react.

Nothing matters more to my ex than keeping his closet in place.

He's like a Dalek - living like a crab inside the closet and dependent on it.

**Posted by Count of Monte Cristo** December 21, 2017 5:12 pm

To be perfectly honest I had no idea she had checked out so long ago. I sure tried this year with the move and so on. Little did I know that I have a big fat 0 chance!!!! The signs are obvious now. She doesn't want to stay in the marriage. Neither do or can now. Oh did I try!!!! the 1/10 doesn't live here, but I made a comment about her and boy did she get upset. So Sweet. The wedding gifts will be gone. Duped!!!! Oh she was crying at losing half her family. Should never have gone this far. She knows it too!

**Posted by Laurence** December 21, 2017 7:37 pm

Hey Count,

One thing I’ve learned is that the tears probably don’t mean what you think they do. ‘You’ are out of the picture. At the end of the its better to ignore her and focus on you and your family.

**Posted by Count of Monte Cristo** December 21, 2017 8:18 pm

100% agree. I think the tears are for waiting this long and hurting so many people. She keeps saying she just always wanted to please other people. Sad losing the person you married that is no longer there, and maybe never was. Yes. Focusing on myself and my family. I really hope she is alone on her birthday the 25 here. Keeps asking what I am going to tell my parents. The truth!!!!!!! That she lived a lie and dragged us all in.

**Posted by lily** December 21, 2017 9:30 pm

Do you still get the feeling a bit that you're waiting for the other shoe to drop?

my best bet is those tears are mainly financial. Really. And I bet you're the one who actually wants to please people, not her. If she really did want that wouldn't she have thought twice before marrying you?

It's not just the support you will get from your family. There's even more important stuff at stake here - the support you give yourself. Do you ask her what she says about you to her 1/10? My suggestion is not to answer her when she asks what you're going to say to your parents.

wishing you lots of good luck.

**Posted by Kel** December 22, 2017 11:49 am

My ex's boyfriend is definitely not better looking than I am. It gives me some sense of peace, really. I had a former fiancee start cheating on me at one point, and I very much suspected it. I met her. She was downright homely. Now,.... if she'd been beautiful, I'd have felt badly about my physical attributes - that I just wasn't up to par. But if she's ugly? That's somehow better and somehow worse - it's better because you feel better to KNOW you're better looking. But then it means it's about personality - that even with a prettier face, I STILL didn't win. Which means what - that my personality sucks? Looking back, I think it just means that they were (likely) a better fit - or at least he thought she was.

There really IS no good thing to be left for. But personally, if my ex left me for a 1, I'd think, "Wow - you are REALLY gay." Ha ha. Confirmation and closure, in my book.

Kel

**Posted by Count of Monte Cristo** December 22, 2017 3:53 pm

That is it! Even this spring when I was lean and mean and she said I had the body of a 19 year old there was still no loving! Yes. This girl she was supposedly just friends with (bullshit) was very unattractive in my eyes. Helps to bring closure to it. Boy was I dumb. Nanny cam showed her leaving my house at 4:30 in the morning when I was out of town! Still gets me mad! Thanks for the advice all. Awful to not be able to look at my wife or really talk to her now. Not seeing her on Christmas. I guess it is good that we can text. I guess it will be better for the kids eventually if she finds someone here she likes. Oh my daughter may be really mad at my wife soon. Telling her after Christmas. She knows something is up. She is nearly 10.

Merry Christmas!!!