OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / New forum section for MOM's

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** December 5, 2017 4:31 pm

I'm not much on the relativism of "whatever works for you," which I find intellectually both unsatisfying and unsatisfactory, but I guess we'll all have to agree to disagree...but only on this part of the forum. Those who are committed to making their MOMs work and don't want to hear that others reject that option now have a place that's all for them.

What I want is assurance that when I post an opinion HERE that I'm not going to get jumped on for being "negative."

Last edited by OutofHisCloset (December 5, 2017 4:35 pm)

**Posted by majenco** December 5, 2017 4:36 pm

I think those who feel it works might be driven away from here. They might be over on MMOMW at yahoo groups. This forum is more like Chump Lady. I actually enjoy elements of all 3 but they certainly have differing views on this type of situation.
I think anything can work if both parties want it to and can find a way to be happy and fulfilled. If one partner has to sacrifice too much then I don’t consider that a success. It is a rare instance where a marriage that one believed was being entered into with mutual monogamy and sexual interest, years later turns out to be very different and require “opening up” can work for both partners.
Some can do this. Some cannot. Some need to find out for themselves through trial and error. All choices are valid and should be respected.

Last edited by majenco (December 5, 2017 4:37 pm)

**Posted by Duped** December 5, 2017 5:02 pm

Sam (Admin) wrote:
Duped wrote:
Does it ever work though? There's not a single incidence here of it working and the straight spouse being happy and at peace. And that's the most important thing for our souls. Personally I think "it doesn't work" is sound advice. Because by the measure of happiness and peace of mind it just doesn't.
Sorry, but in my experience sometimes it does. Not often but sometimes. You couldn't be happy and at peace in your situation. Most people can't. Nothing wrong with that. Some people can,

Then I would have to ask why those who can are looking for support. Who needs support when they are at peace?

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 5, 2017 5:18 pm

Duped wrote:
Then I would have to ask why those who can are looking for support. Who needs support when they are at peace?

It's because not everybody has the same definition of 'peace'

**Posted by Duped** December 5, 2017 5:25 pm

Tbh Ellexoh that doesn't make any sense to me.

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** December 5, 2017 5:34 pm

Duped,
Maybe it's a kind of "peace in our time" kind of peace.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 5, 2017 5:45 pm

Duped wrote:
Tbh Ellexoh that doesn't make any sense to me.

If you and I were discussing crossing Niagara Falls on a tightrope
and I was all for it & keen as
but you weren't......my reason for going ahead have nothing to do with the reason for you
backing out. We're all different, and don't see things, feel things, are strong in ways that others aren't.

*substitute "peace" for "future".....We all see/have our own future, and if I took serious note of anybody else' interpretation of 'future'.....it wouldn't be mine.

Last edited by Ellexoh (December 5, 2017 5:54 pm)

**Posted by phoenix** December 5, 2017 9:35 pm

OutofHisCloset wrote:
What I want is assurance that when I post an opinion HERE that I'm not going to get jumped on for being "negative."

You have my assurance

**Posted by lily** December 5, 2017 10:13 pm

Thanks for your assurance, Phoenix.

I must admit I feel like if there is going to be a section for people who like their MOM's then can they just stay there and let us be angry bitter and oh dear no negative in peace?

It takes a lot of courage to end a bad marriage.

**Posted by Sam (Admin)** December 5, 2017 10:22 pm

lily wrote:
It takes a lot of courage to end a bad marriage.

Yes it does. I know, been there. It actually takes a lot of courage to admit you are in a bad marriage. It's part of the journey.
I was in a bad marriage before my ex came out, but I was deluding myself into thinking it was "normal". I suspect this may be the case for some here. I pretty much had to figure out on my own that my marriage wasn't worth saving, much Catholic guilt involved in that. SSN contacts helped, but in the end my decision.