OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / New forum section for MOM's

**Posted by Mrs Lonely** December 5, 2017 1:06 am

I don't understand why some of the members condemn this new section. Marriage is and always will be sacred. I know of many marriages in my community where there is not so straight men involved and the women chose to stay. From my own experience I can now relate to the loneliness, bitterness, hopeless frustration they might experience. I do not understand the thinking behind it, but I do respect them for trying to keep their vows. Thinking how I sometimes wanted to loose my head, I think they deserve support and someone that can listen without thinking "this woman/man is crazy".

Last edited by Mrs Lonely (December 5, 2017 1:07 am)

**Posted by JenS** December 5, 2017 8:23 am

deleted.

Last edited by JenS (January 4, 2019 8:38 am)

**Posted by OutofHisCloset** December 5, 2017 9:48 am

Jen S,
Hear, hear!

**Posted by phoenix** December 5, 2017 9:59 am

All of the feedback is heard and appreciated. I'm waiting to discuss with Sam.

Thanks everyone!

**Posted by Sam (Admin)** December 5, 2017 2:03 pm

I'm guessing this won't be the most popular comment ever made.....

It was the wish of the founder of SSN, Dr. Amity Buxton, that SSN should provide resources for ALL people who find themselves in a mixed orientation relationship. By definition, this provides a "safe space" for people in this situation to meet, discuss and support each other. If you look at the masthead of this forum you will see there are already restrictions on the topics of this forum, i.e mixed orientation issues only. It is an "Open" forum in that it can be accessed and read by anyone, and anyone can register. If/when trolls infiltrate it is the responsibility of the administrators to recognize and remove them.

There is no right or wrong answer, just your path. Others can offer advice but in the end the individual is responsible for deciding how to move forward. I have been involved with SSN in a support capacity for 15 years. In my experience, people who wish to maintain a MOM are often met with negativity and outright hostility. However in some cases it can work, and those who desire to pursue that path deserve to at least give it a try without being told "it can never work".

To be honest it was my decision, over Phoenix' objection, that the new forum be restricted. Maybe part of that is laziness, as if it was open I suspect there would have to be a lot of administrator intervention. Should you chose to read that forum, you may see people heading for obvious train wrecks, or being doormats. Hate to say, not much you say will prevent that even though it may be obvious to you. Often negative comments will just get their back up and prolong the situation. They will have to figure that out themselves if they are really heading for disaster.

And sometimes, people may have found a way to make it work. Remember "I couldn't do that" does not equal "you shouldn't do that". "How can you do that to yourself" is not helpful.

The only way to prevent posts like that, IMHO is to restrict who can post. Anyone is welcome to comment on posts in that forum in this forum if you must.

**Posted by Daryl** December 5, 2017 2:43 pm

Although I don't think I could ever make a MOM work, who am I to object if someone else figures out how to make it work and be joyful in it? This is my opinion but when people first come here, unless they have been anonymously lurking for some time, I think what they need first is acknowledgement of their situation and feelings, to know they are not alone in this and that there is hope for the unknown future. I know I've sometimes been guilty of not listening enough and pulling out 'road-maps' instead. 'Problem solver' personalities are like that.

**Posted by Duped** December 5, 2017 2:56 pm

Does it ever work though? There's not a single incidence here of it working and the straight spouse being happy and at peace. And that's the most important thing for our souls. Personally I think "it doesn't work" is sound advice. Because by the measure of happiness and peace of mind it just doesn't.

Last edited by Duped (December 5, 2017 2:57 pm)

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 5, 2017 3:32 pm

I'm pleased that I now have a specific section for MOMs....that allows me to talk about the issues important to me.

In fact...because of the very wide divide between those not able to stay in their marriage/r'ship....and those who wish to work on theirs....I expect that that section is where I'll feel most at home so won't read the other sections as much,
if ever.
Good sense and respect for others should mean nothing needs to be segregated, but if the MOM section needs to have members who wish to post there..somehow subscribe to that section to be able to contribute.....that's no different to people having to sign up to post in the main SSN forum. Still open to anybody to read

**Posted by Sam (Admin)** December 5, 2017 4:18 pm

Duped wrote:
Does it ever work though? There's not a single incidence here of it working and the straight spouse being happy and at peace. And that's the most important thing for our souls. Personally I think "it doesn't work" is sound advice. Because by the measure of happiness and peace of mind it just doesn't.

Sorry, but in my experience sometimes it does. Not often but sometimes. You couldn't be happy and at peace in your situation. Most people can't. Nothing wrong with that. Some people can,

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** December 5, 2017 4:25 pm

Duped wrote:
Does it ever work though? There's not a single incidence here of it working.

There may not be a single incidence here of a MOM working *in your opinion*. The environment certainly discourages anybody from admitting theirs does work....
but that doesn't mean there aren't