Posted by Hurtex June 2, 2021 10:40 pm | #1 |
I divorced my ex last year after many years of a sexless, toxic marriage. My ex was controlling and abusive and wouldn't even touch me for years. I left my career to be a stay at home mom and follow him around the world. We moved to 4 different countries and I always felt isolated and very dependent of him. We finally moved back to the states and with the support of my family, I left him. One thing I should say is that I never found anything that told me that he was cheating or seeing other people but there were a few incidents during our marriage that got me questioning his sexuality. It wasn't until I finally left him that I understood that he is most likely gay. Right now he is in a tropical island with a mysterious person. Nobody knows who this person is but they are paying for him to go to a very exclusive resort in the Caribbean. I guess he found a sugar daddy. Today I realized what I've been so blind to see and it just broke my heart. 14 years in a fake marriage to somebody who just destroyed my self esteem and crushed my personality. The last 2 years of our marriage I was in antidepressants and anxiety medication. I couldn't sleep. I was dying slowly. I am glad that I made it out but the pain remains. Not because I love him but because I wasted my time in a lie. I don't want to hate him. We share a son but I wish he was decent enough to be honest and tell me the truth. I guess I just want to know is if this pain goes away one day?? I don't want to feel like this for ever.
Posted by Daryl June 2, 2021 11:37 pm | #2 |
You won't always feel like this. This is much like a roller coaster - big dips and rises at first and they gradually level out. Keep building your support network and find and do things that bring you joy.
Posted by Hurtex June 4, 2021 9:13 am | #3 |
Thank you guys,
I've been crying for the past 3 days. All I can I think about is all the lies. I wanted to have another child and because of him I didn't now I am 40 in a new relationship with a man who wants kids but I am having fertility issues. I hate him so much for all the pain he caused and is still causing and because he never once apologized. When I left him, he acted like the victim. Now he is having fun with his lover in a tropical paradise. He left me with nothing after 14 yrs. He kept our apartment. He doesn't give me child support even when my son is most of the time with me. My son never liked him and now I understand why.
I just want for this pain to end and the feeling of deep betrayal to go away. I know it will with time but it's just hard.
Posted by Upside June 4, 2021 11:31 am | #4 |
Sorry to hear your ex-husband did this to you, Hurtex. I share these feelings. Sadness. Rage. Hollowness.
Your feelings are valid. It is unfair that your ex is seemingly free from repercussions. Karma needs to clarify its timelines.
My wife wasted 15 years of my life without having the decency of truth. I can say that I have spent the last two years in this dreamlike state now. It hit me recently that my time in mourning is nearing 10% of the time of my entire marriage. For some reason, seeing it through this neutral lens woke me up. Do I want to spend the next 15 years wistful for the time I lost? Or is it best to try and live for the time I have left?
Please know that the best revenge for our stories is a happy, fulfilled life. It may look different than you had planned, but there are many paths to any goal. With children, whether on your own, with a surrogate, or fostering/adoption there are possibilities.
You didn't choose the hand you were dealt, but you can choose how you react today and each day from here on to make those dreams happen. That's my take on this, at least. Trying each day.