OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / My wife has been briefly online dating a woman and just told me.

**Posted by clifmasseyjr** May 27, 2021 8:12 am

No. The trip is on the weekend (if she is even taking it now). I do appreciate the heads-up, though.

**Posted by Abby** May 27, 2021 1:12 pm

One more piece of financial advice to you and everyone else if you decide to end a relationship: make sure that your spouse or partner is not the beneficiary on your life insurance, retirement accounts or any other assets where it could blow up in the future.

You want to provide for your minor children so when you talk with an attorney find out what you need to do to accomplish this under the laws where you live.

**Posted by Ellexoh_nz** May 27, 2021 1:28 pm

clifmasseyjr wrote:
,........
She just doesn't seem to understand how horrible she has been..........

Today, I woke up feeling better. Tomorrow, I imagine it will be better, still....

Thanks again to everyone that commented and supported me. I can never repay you for your kindness.

Deep down she will know how horrible she's been Clif. Her need to discover who she really is will be bigger than her need to acknowledge 'your' pain...,

I have to warn you.... though it might feel like it's better... Your new reality, emotions mostly, may be up and down for a while yet as you process this....,

You can repay us by checking in with us and letting us know how it's going. Do you have anybody to confide in, talk to...a good friend, a brother, sister, parent?

Elle

**Posted by clifmasseyjr** May 27, 2021 3:17 pm

Yeah, the roller coaster is real. I felt great this morning. Right now (the afternoon) I have that feeling of barely being able to take deep breaths. Like the wind has been knocked out of me. A roller coaster is a great analogy. You never know when the next drop will be coming.

And today is my first day back at work. And I am in customer service (fine dining server) so it will be challenging to keep my emotions in check if guests get terse.

No, there is no one in my life I can really talk to about this. I do have a text group through SSN that has been a great help the past couple of days. A lifesaver. And this forum has helped a ton.

**Posted by Upside** May 27, 2021 3:24 pm

So sorry that your wife has done this to you and your family, Clif.

Amazing advice here. My two cents below.

First, do not move out or make any sudden life changes. Contact a lawyer. See what your options are. Your rights vary wildly by location. Leaving the house is often abandonment and can have large financial consequences.

Second, breathe. Eat. Sleep as much as you can. Get a therapist. Self-care is important. Treat yourself. You have an unlimited hall pass to indulge right now (no booze though). And rely on your friends. It hurts to air dirty laundry, but you need to let the venom out to heal.

Third, your wife is playing the "pick me dance". She believes that she can lie to you and openly have sex with a woman, and you'll still go back with her if she wants. You are very wise to know this is a game you can't win. I wasn't as smart as you!

Fourth, the description of her sleeping naked with her work friend is surreal. I have a hard time believing her back then, if she says this dating site was for "friends". Be careful of her lies.

Fifth, it does get better with time, but you will have good and bad days. My wife was having affairs for men and women in secret for 15 years. When I started to unravel her lies, my past, present, and future fell apart. I still wake up with panic attacks about it all. But each day life gets better as long as we're doing the work.

Finally, if your username is your real name I would recommend changing it. I'm guessing it isn't, but if so, that could be bad for your divorce.

Wishing you strength on the path ahead.

Last edited by Upside (May 27, 2021 3:25 pm)

**Posted by Rob** May 28, 2021 6:38 am

Clif,

So sorry. Lots of good advice from others. Some other advice.. don't move out or offer to move out. That may look like you abandoned your kids. As hard as it is.. you did none of this..this is all of her making.. You being in the house is just reality.. it should not be your problem...do not try to solve all her
problems that she created.

Wishing you strength and fortitude .