OurPath (formerly SSN) Open Forum / Felt like a sibling rather than a spouse

**Posted by Brighter Days** January 19, 2021 6:08 pm

This is all brand new to me. I'm shocked and devastated. How could he lie? How could I not know? I look back and I see things now. No turning back. Divorce is not going to happen soon enough.

**Posted by TangledOil** January 19, 2021 6:10 pm

I hadn’t really thought about this, but perhaps that’s a sign, one way or the other, of the likelihood of a successful union long term. My (bi) husband and I have always been physically close. We’ve never skipped a beat with sexual intimacy and we almost always hold hands when we’re out walking somewhere even after nearly 30 years. We often give a random hug or kiss when passing one another in the house on an every day basis. I can’t imagine it any other way and I’m certain I’d notice if it changed. The month or two before he came out to me he was slightly more distanced ... preparing himself for how he thought I’d react once I knew (for sure) he is bi.

Last edited by TangledOil (January 19, 2021 6:49 pm)

**Posted by Brighter Days** January 19, 2021 6:13 pm

Did you just find out too?

**Posted by TangledOil** January 19, 2021 6:47 pm

Brighter Days,

I’m not sure who you’re asking. My husband told me he’s bi a year ago. I’ve always suspected he wasn’t quite straight, but never suspected he was gay. It makes sense he says he's bi.

Tangled

Last edited by TangledOil (January 19, 2021 7:01 pm)

**Posted by Upside** January 25, 2021 4:28 pm

MovingMan wrote:
Looking back, I feel like our interactions were more like siblings or close roommates than spouses. She often didn't like my touch (and I have trouble showing affection, I own that). But she didn't touch me with fondness or warmth. She treated me much like she treats her brother. Has anyone else felt this?

Ouch. Yes, this was constant.

My wife hated to be touched or hugged by me. She would not cuddle from our honeymoon on. She was repulsed by sex. She was so afraid of sexual intimacy that we couldn't watch TV or movies with sex in it, though romance was her favorite genre. Everything was always so nervous and fearful.

Then one day I say her with her "friend". The way they looked at each other. The way they laughed and talked. When they disappeared downstairs together...I knew deep down something was very wrong. It would be a year later until I received a voicemail of them making out. Two until I found her hiding their visits. Three until I could prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

So much shame too. How could I have missed it? But who would believe this sort of thing happens? It is all so much.

Last edited by Upside (January 25, 2021 4:30 pm)

**Posted by Rob** January 26, 2021 9:19 am

upside,

Its because we love them.. We love fiercely and honestly but they did not. Do not be ashamed or beat yourself up. When we stand before God we can say we loved with all our heart and all our soul.. We treated them kindly and lovingly. In this life and the next I will hold my head high and know I gave it my all.

**Posted by Upside** January 26, 2021 10:50 am

You're right on, Rob. Thank you - that's helpful.

**Posted by SusanneH** January 26, 2021 1:59 pm

I agree. That’s it. I felt my heart ‘lift’ when I read it! Thanks!