Lostgirl - first of all - I hope you are OK with me starting this. I did not want your post to get overlooked and I think you need your own thread to collect all the responses.

Sorry you find yourself here, it really can be a kind of limbo. I would suggest you check out some of the posts by others, in particular vicky and cameron. I think they can both offer perspectives very similar to the situation you find yourself in. If I could offer any advice it would be for you to consider well both your needs and that of your spouse and do not rush into a decision until you've looked at all the pros and cons. Counseling might also be a good idea for you both. It sounds like your spouse is willing to talk and no history of infidelity improves the chances of having honest conversations. Make no mistake - you are at a crossroads and what you decide here will affect your life for a long time.

Peace and strength - please post again soon.

Lost Girl,

I'm so glad you found this forum. I wish I had when I first discovered my husband's secret. To know others were experiencing nearly the same story and that it does get better would have been so comforting. I kept his secret for 26 years. It's so destructive. Don't do it!

No one can tell you what you're husband's sexuality is in truth, but my own experience is that saying one is bi is just a way of avoiding the truth. My soon-to-be-ex husband is still not there yet and may never be. But trust your gut. It doesn't really matter is he's gay, bi, or straight. He's not living up to his wedding vows, and not the man you thought you married. I would suggest you leave his dilemma to him and focus on yourself. Are you going to feel loved and safe and cherished in this relationship? Counseling helped me enormously. I was so caught up in feeling sorry for him, worrying about his feelings, I was slowly dying. Once I declared that his behavior was unacceptable and that our marriage was over, the healing began. I've got a long way to go but I've moved beyond the stage of trying to understand him; I've moved past mourning the death of our marriage; I've started looking forward to the possibilities for the future with someone who loves me the way it should be.
I'm at a different stage than you are but have found so much help in these pages. I would also encourage you to get into counseling if you can. Tell someone you trust and get the hugs and support you need. Don't despair!

Last edited by KellyClark (February 13, 2017 11:42 pm)

Wow Daryl you are observant.  It sounds like I wrote that, except for me it's coming up on 19 years now.  Word for word though.  I often refer to it as being in limbo. 
Lostgirl, feel free to contact me at vickym7673@yahoo.com or here if you want to chat.
Vicky

Glad to see you back, just keep talking. Others will respond and there's lots of other info and threads here to take in. It can be a bit overwhelming at times.