OutofHisCloset wrote:

....... I have been emotionally frozen out for years even before his disclosure.  
  

Me too OOHC. I think trodding thru life with a partner sitting across from you, but without love & intimacy, plus all the emotional drain & gas lighting, leaves one feeling emotionally bankrupt. I'm at the point where not only is my love & fun bank completely drained, I also don't know how to refill it and have zero energy to get out there to replenish it. I'm exhausted.

I'm so happy for you that you have arrived at a place where you need to expedite your break to freedom sooner than later. You deserve as much happy as you can squeeze in!

All this talk regarding "no fault" divorce makes me so pissed off. These situations aren't your normal "affair" issues but rather an entire marriage based on fraud. Whether you were together 1 year or 3 decades, there was duplicity & fraud on their part. Every one of our partners KNEW they were LGBT before entering into a contract either verbal or written & they chose to misrepresent themselves in a manner we were unaware was a lie. Had they presented themselves (the "product") in their true light we would NEVER have bought it. I wish i had the energy & funds to take THAT to court & help set a precedent so future spouses were protected because I don't think much will be done to thwart future duping by simply writing another tell all, starting a blog or sharing our stories. Just as the LGBT community had to get bills passed to ensure their future rights & safety, I think so will we.

Big hugs,
DebbieDownerShitstorm Trooper Sham
xxxx
 

Sham,
  I've so missed your voice and perspective and presence on the forum lately, but I know that you are doing the work of recovery, and, maybe, like me, you yearn to put as much distance between you and trans or c-d crap as you can.  I once read a comment on another site from a woman who had dated a crossdresser, and she said something like, "yes, when you're involved and in it, you think about it all the time.  But then you get out, and you never think about it again."  That was clarifying.  It's the point I want to get to--when/where it doesn't affect me and I don't have to think about it daily, constantly, or even at all.  Transworld is not where I want to live, and I don't have to.  If people want to mutilate their bodies and live in their fantasy worlds, ok, just leave me out of it.  I'm torn, though, because if we all just say, "hey, live and let live" and forget about the damages caused (and we're that, collateral damage), more of us will get hurt. 
  Sham, please don't be hard on yourself.  You were in for 25 years; I don't know how you did it and can only imagine the toll it took.  I've been in it for just two years, and it's often hit or miss whether I'll make it through the day without imploding--or exploding (probably the emotionally healthier choice)!  Try to think of yourself as now in a kind of recovery phase; you were assaulted intimately and on a daily basis for so long, it's no wonder your body and mind are beat.  But you will recover yourself, and begin to find your strength, not the strength you had to employ to withstand what you took for so long, but strength used on your own behalf, for your own health.  
    Thank you so much for your comments on my situation, too, and the best wishes.  I really am moving to end the marriage.  Not looking forward to it, but looking forward to it--and I'm sure you know exactly what I mean.
  About sites online (I know you left a comment on lostdad's thread on the admin, and I think a tg-cd thread is important, too): transwidow's blog will feel very familiar and good to you, and I recently googled "peak trans moment" and found a couple of places people record the moment(s) when they realized all the trans crap arguments were just that: crap. (http://peaktransmoment.tumblr.com/tagged/submission)  It's wonderful and will lift your spirits and make you feel better when you see that others, too, are questioning the illogic. 
  Damn, Sham, I wish I lived closer.  I'd love to spend some time in your company.  Look out for yourself, be kind to yourself.  And hugs, many hugs.

Does anyone know of a book that explains this abusive situation that does bot have gay in the title?
I want my sons to understand what has been done to me and they won't read anything that has the label gay on it. 
Their father claims that he is only bi-curious!

whatasham,
you seem to have been in similar situation. I craved discussions and affection, but he had none for me. It was a lonely and sad existence. I will try and not let him use and abuse me again.
His favorite phrase for me in private was/is Stupid Ignorant Cunt and in public it was S.I.C.
I now know why 

Thank you,
I am in a PTSD treatment now. It helps, I am soooo angry