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1 of 1- Blueberry
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Unsure, my husband came out as a trans woman
I've been married for 27 years. At the end of July 2026, my husband, whom I'll call G, came out as a trans woman.
G's transition began right away: clothes, makeup, laser facial treatments, dyed hair, shoes, mannerisms, jewelry. By the end of August, the person I had known seemed to be gone. I asked G to slow down. G explained that 52 years was a long time to wait, which I understand, but the change happened in a single month and I couldn't keep up.
That month was the hardest of my life. I cried constantly, had panic attacks, stopped eating, lost weight, and barely slept. One day I ended up in the emergency room and was prescribed medication for anxiety. I also had suicidal thoughts. G was frustrated by my crying and told me I was overreacting and living in a soap opera, which hurt deeply.
We kept trying. We argued, cried, and went to couples therapy, but after four or five weekly sessions I knew we couldn't stay together. G made it clear that G wanted to live the rest of life as a woman and be with a man. We became roommates. G kept telling me that G loved and cared for me, but not as a wife, and at times said we couldn't even be friends. At first I was willing to stay married regardless of G's transition, but the messages were mixed.
In September we separated. G moved out, and I stayed in our rental apartment. The first day after G left, I felt a sense of peace, with nothing around to set off my tears.We continued to text, email, and call, but after two or three weeks I asked to communicate by email only, because the calls and texts were spiking my anxiety. That has helped.
I'm now in my fifth week of living alone. I still cry every day, though a little less. Often I want to run to G's new place, ask for forgiveness, and get back together. G has told me that I ruined our marriage because I couldn't handle the disclosure and transition. G wants a relationship with me, but not as spouses.
l honestly don't know whether to stay or to go. For those who have been through this, how have other couples managed to stay together?
- Blueberry
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Re: Unsure, my husband came out as a trans woman
In the previous post I said that I didn’t know whether to stay or to go. I think I should go. Our relationship for the past 2 years hasn’t been good. I don’t know what I am thinking. G will not change for me, only for G. Some days I feel very bad and don’t know what to do.
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Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Unsure, my husband came out as a trans woman
Leave him. Separate. Stand up for yourself. Get the best lawyer, get the best deal
The trans cult only think of themselves. G doesn't deserve you.
And find yourself individual therapy.
Elle
KIA KAHA
- Rob
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Re: Unsure, my husband came out as a trans woman
Blueberry,
So sorry...but that peace you felt is the trauma and hurt not being there. These spouses say they love us but in reality they love themselves so much more. I don't think in our marriage promises it included transitioning etc.
We get it you want to text him etc..but he clearly chose himself over you. You can choose also...
Wishing strength and solace.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- Blueberry
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Re: Unsure, my husband came out as a trans woman
I often feel guilty of choosing me. I often think that I should have done more, but I couldn’t. He came out at the end of July of this year, within a month he change to a woman. I was living with a woman that I knew as a man. During that month I tried to accept my new marriage however I felt that he was becoming another person. During that month we argued often and three times he broke up with me. Eventually we separated and he moved out. I have been living by my own for the past two months (sept-oct). During Sept he said he loved me but not like his wife anymore. He asked to be friends. He even asked to be in a sort of relationship. Am I here just to receive crumbs? I wish he had chosen our marriage and me. I tried to be together, as difficult as it was to seeing him as a woman. But he always chose his desires. He wanted me to be like a side kick. I imagine he wanted that to stay in the comfort of a home and not confront his new reality by himself.
I miss him so much. He is not here anymore. He is different, he is a woman. I miss him so much that I want to accept his proposal. But then I remember the past and think about the abuse and change my mind, but not completely. 
I didn’t know I was in an abusive relationship, because he always said that I was the abuser. I always felt I was the broken one and still feel that sometimes.
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