I’ve been working on distancing myself. But it’s an isolating and lonely place to be that’s for sure.

lily wrote:

hi abc, just want to add my sympathies - you are in a tough position with your business marriage and family home all balanced together.  

I agree with Freed - not wise to look to your wife for emotional support - my suggestion is to take a step back get a bit dispassionate for a moment and just watch her talking to you.   When I did that with my ex, that was when I realised he was being manipulative with me.

 How was he manipulating you?

thanks Freed, yes agreed, it is that movement in the way you think from being in a couple to returning to being an individual.

It seems to me there is a lot of behaviours that are basic and instinctive - when we straights committed to our marriages we put partner first.  This works fine if your partner is straight and putting you first too, you are looking out for each other - but your same sex attracted partner is putting themselves first in a MOM, aren't they.  You're putting them first, they're putting themselves first - who is putting you first?  unless there is a concerned parent coming to the rescue, no one.

Until you rescue yourself by returning to thinking as an individual again, and put yourself first.  It felt good, it was good.

 

Shelby wrote:

Hi Abc, I am almost two months from disclosure now as well but did not have previous knowledge, only now looking back.  We also have a business tied to us financially and wrapped in all our personal stuff which is going to majorly complicate any type of distance I could hope to get sooner rather than later.

I am sorry you have to be here.  I also have started listening to the podcast and it has been overwhelmingly helpful as well as the people here supporting.  I struggled for the last few years wondering what I could do, lose weight, be a better spouse, etc. so I could feel wanted again and there was always something there missing.  It is hard to feel like it isn't you but it isn't.  There is nothing we could have done. 

Something that stood out that I want to acknowledge is also going on for me is the triggering things of love, relationships and for me right now any type of pride or same sex relationships I see or hear of also trigger me.  I have never had an issue with this and have kids and family members in the LGBTQ+ community and this is odd for me to feel triggered by this but I know it's because it is different when it's your spouse and I have all the feels.  I am working through this. I used to love movies and songs about love and now it just guts me and I turn them off.  It's so hard to wrap your head around this. 

I also don't know how I will ever trust again and this is something from what I am hearing takes a lot of time. 

I just wanted to say you are not alone and happy you found this place too.  Take care. 

Sounds like we’re going through a similar experience. Feel free to message me if you ever want to chat about it.