OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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- abc506
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Re: 2 Months Out from Disclosure - Looking for people who get it
I’ve been working on distancing myself. But it’s an isolating and lonely place to be that’s for sure.
- lily
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Re: 2 Months Out from Disclosure - Looking for people who get it
ok, so this is going to sound a bit silly but first you have to take a step back before you can distance yourself!
I do not think I will forget that afternoon when my now ex spoke to me and I just paused a moment before replying - he wasn't used to that and took another step to get his crafted response from me, and I just watched him do it.
sometimes the company you need the most is your own and inside myself I just hugged myself and it felt better just to feel the ground beneath my feet.
- gracefulwife
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Re: 2 Months Out from Disclosure - Looking for people who get it
lily wrote:
hi abc, just want to add my sympathies - you are in a tough position with your business marriage and family home all balanced together.
I agree with Freed - not wise to look to your wife for emotional support - my suggestion is to take a step back get a bit dispassionate for a moment and just watch her talking to you. When I did that with my ex, that was when I realised he was being manipulative with me.
How was he manipulating you?
- freedmyself
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Re: 2 Months Out from Disclosure - Looking for people who get it
"sometimes the company you need the most is your own" - to me, this feels like the key to healing.
- lily
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Re: 2 Months Out from Disclosure - Looking for people who get it
thanks Freed, yes agreed, it is that movement in the way you think from being in a couple to returning to being an individual.
It seems to me there is a lot of behaviours that are basic and instinctive - when we straights committed to our marriages we put partner first. This works fine if your partner is straight and putting you first too, you are looking out for each other - but your same sex attracted partner is putting themselves first in a MOM, aren't they. You're putting them first, they're putting themselves first - who is putting you first? unless there is a concerned parent coming to the rescue, no one.
Until you rescue yourself by returning to thinking as an individual again, and put yourself first. It felt good, it was good.