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1 of 1- GamerGirl
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Husband has Sexuality Confusion
Hi all. I’m unsure where to turn as I have no one to talk to other than my husband about this and I’m feeling quite alone.
Recently I found out my husband has been talking to people sexually online specifically other men. Up until a few weeks ago I was under the impression that he was completely straight but now I’m finding out he’s feeling really confused in his head. He explained that he’s romantically and sexually attracted to women(specifically me) but he also feels sexually attracted to me but only online through chat rooms. I am totally okay with him being bisexual and having these feelings but the deception of sneaking around online and sending photos to other guys has left me feeling really alone and unwanted. I have had a heart to heart with him and tried to figure out how he’s feeling and trying my best to help, from what he has said it seems that he isn’t wanting to be with a man physically and he doesn’t look at men and fancy them but when he’s online and chatting to them it really gets him going talking about the other guys fantasies and what they want to do with him. It’s completely sexual
I’m doing my best to be understanding and help him through this but I feel I have no one to talk to and no one to help me with how I’m feeling. Has anyone been through anything similar that could maybe talk and make me feel a little less on my own and lost.
He has assured me that his love, dedication and want to be with me has never once been in question and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but he gets these urges to go on these online chat rooms. After it he feels ashamed and disappointed with himself
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Husband has Sexuality Confusion
Welcome to our forum Gamergirl
When a man admits to having a sexual attraction to other men much of the 'confusion' is how he's going to manage, now that you know, having his cake and eating it too.
And you're right to find support here. Talking to your husband will end up simply a conversation that goes around in a circle.
It really pisses me off when I read women saying they're trying to understand and help their partners through this. Frankly Gamergirl... it's not your job to do that. What about you?! Do you trust him to never further his online activity and meet another man in person?
This same-sex attraction of his will be something he's able, and quite happy to keep separate from his r'ship with you....something to do with the male brain I reckon.
Have a think. Is there nobody you can confide in? Friend, family member? Talking with your husband will only keep tying your emotions in knots.
Elle
Edited to ask.... Are you wanting strategies and advice to stay in the marriage?
Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (Yesterday 2:13 am)
KIA KAHA
- GamerGirl
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Re: Husband has Sexuality Confusion
Thank you so much for your comment. It’s honestly so nice just to have someone respond
I’ll be honest I’ve been so lost in all this that I have neglected to think about myself, it may be because we have been together for a decade and have recently had our first baby that I’m not focusing on me right now.
From our conversations I don’t believe he will meet up with anyone to do anything but obviously I don’t have the ability to know for sure which sucks.
There really isn’t anyone I can talk too, hence why I turned to a site like this☺️ There are some things that I haven’t been able to even share on here because it’s trauma on his end that I don’t feel is my place to share so I definitely feel like I couldn’t tell family or friends unfortunately
I am 100% looking for some advice as I really don’t want to give up on my marriage, this man is everything to me and he’s the most amazing father to our little one. We’ve finally got the family we’ve always dreamed of and neither of us want to give up that
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Thread Starter- lily
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Re: Husband has Sexuality Confusion
Hi G - the question I'd like to ask is how did it come up in the first place - did you see something that made you question him?
On the assumption that's right then you are likely to be looking at damage control from him - you hint at him talking about being sexually abused, I guess? - look up Sean's thread - he says that is the first go to excuse.
However you slice it, you are supposed to keep it secret. Don't do that, that's my advice to you. You need a confidante you can talk openly with. I can't stress enough how big a difference that will make. Don't tell him, just find someone outside the two of you, for you - family member?
Regardless of how things pan out you and your baby need you. Find a friend. In your daily life. we are here too which is a great resource but it is not the same as someone there with you.
wishing you all the best, Lily
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Husband has Sexuality Confusion
GamerGirl wrote:
....I’ll be honest I’ve been so lost in all this that I have neglected to think about myself, it may be because we have been together for a decade and have recently had our first baby that I’m not focusing on me right now.
From our conversations I don’t believe he will meet up with anyone to do anything but obviously I don’t have the ability to know for sure which sucks.
There really isn’t anyone I can talk too, hence why I turned to a site like this☺️ There are some things that I haven’t been able to even share on here because it’s trauma on his end that I don’t feel is my place to share...
I am 100% looking for some advice as I really don’t want to give up on my marriage, this man is everything to me and he’s the most amazing father to our little one. We’ve finally got the family we’ve always dreamed of and neither of us want to give up that
It's always difficult....this kind of discovery, but even moreso when your hormones and emotions are recovering after the birth of your first child, as you come to grips with motherhood whilst also taking on the Mindfuck (sorry but that's what it is. A Mindfuck) of your husbands admission.
Not actually knowing what's in his mind, and what he may or may not do in the future is another weight on your shoulders. An unnecessary and unfair weight that you shouldn't but seem willing to carry.
Often...under the pressure of thinking we owe it to our partners...we stay silent thinking we're betraying their trust by not talking about it to others. Like, this is his story, not yours. His privacy, not yours. But this will affect you, deeply. It's your life too and this bombshell he's dropped will change the dynamic of your marriage.
My partner of 38 years was/is a good man too. Great father and provider. Kind with a superb work ethic. In the case of sexuality, secrets and separating his own fantasies from his life with me...he was seamless too, until my need to stand up for myself was greater than my need to stay with him and pretend everything was okay.
E
KIA KAHA