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- kmack15
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Re: I find myself here
I am actually surprised at how many people choose a MOM. For some reason when he mentioned it there was no question for me. Yes, I love you but I also want to be happy.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: I find myself here
kmack15 wrote:
I am actually surprised at how many people choose a MOM. For some reason when he mentioned it there was no question for me. Yes, I love you but I also want to be happy.
At the beginning of this I read a stat about couples in MOMs that said a certain % (not sure of the number) split after 3 years.
So I gave myself, and my then partner, 3 years to see what changed for the better or worse. It was a definite challenge/goal... call it what you will.
When 3 years had passed I knew something had to change.
E
KIA KAHA
- freedmyself
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Re: I find myself here
When my GXH came out, he said he was Bi and wanted to date men. And he also said he was still attracted to me. And he also said he hadn't cheated on me. It took me a couple of days to get my bearings and then it was very clear to me that divorce was the only path forward for me. Fast forward to today, a little more than a year later, and I'm so, so glad I didn't attempt a MOM, not even for a little while. Immediately after he came out, a guy who had been his "friend" before he was out was suddenly his Boyfriend. Yeah. Now I can put puzzle pieces together and see that in fact, prior to coming out to me, he had built a whole secret life in advance of telling me, and was blaming me for the distance in our marriage. Not the kind of partner ANYONE should have.
Seems to me that a consistent element in many of our stories is that after a little time elapses post-disclosure, we can see that there were secrets kept, lies told, gaslighting going on.
I'm raising my glass in a toast to your Band-Aid ripping! Please put yourself first, and keep your eyes open. I was surprised at how much was going on once I understood what I was looking at.
- kmack15
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Re: I find myself here
Today is day 3 of the life I didn’t sign up for. And I am having a hard time. I miss my life. I am staying with my parents and as much as I love them their house isn’t mine. I have run my own house for over 20 years and nothing feels comfortable. Today is hard.
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Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: I find myself here
Today is day 3 of the life I didn’t sign up for. And I am having a hard time. I miss my life.....
Yip....it's tough. And it'll probably get tougher. It's up to you to get through this without the support of the man you thought you'd be with forever. Your parents are angels for giving you a soft place to fall but ultimately it'll be you who finds the strength to weather the storm.
I haven't lived in a home that's mine for months now. Nothing feels permanent, and whereas my former partner let me stay in his apartment (and is contributing to the rent) I feel I should move on, so I checked out a room for rent last night and even though I think I could make it work.....I don't want to have to make it work. It'll mean I have to get rid of a lot of stuff (and it is only stuff but.....)
Silly really....the guy renting the room has two other people to see and I may not even get the room.... So I'm taking lots of deep, cleansing breaths amongst the tears and trying to tell myself I will get through this.
E
Last edited by Ellexoh_nz (Today 8:14 pm)
KIA KAHA