OurPath Open Forum
This forum is for discussion of issues related to Mixed Orientation relationships only, that is when one partner is heterosexual (straight) and one is Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender or Questioning.
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- lily
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
thanks Elle. its an old-fashioned phrase but still fits the bill doesn't it.
The board is quiet. I don't think that's because there aren't straight spouses, maybe we've slipped out of the zeitgeist a bit. But I do think it's become harder to find us now that our name Straight Spouse Network has been taken under the banner of 'One Path'.
I don't really know how to fix that, but I do know how bad it hurt being the straight spouse.
- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
lily wrote:
....The board is quiet. I don't think that's because there aren't straight spouses, maybe we've slipped out of the zeitgeist a bit. But I do think it's become harder to find us now that our name Straight Spouse Network has been taken under the banner of 'One Path'. .....
Word!
KIA KAHA
- Anon2222
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
I haven't been on the forum nearly as long as others (it will be coming up on 5 years) - and I agree. At the beginning there was a lot more discussion and advice. Over the years, it has gotten less and less. I also hang around the reddit "straight spouses" on and off...honestly, the trend I have been seeing is that more and more straight spouses just accept this as the "normal" of society today. "Sexual fluidity" just seems normal now-a-days. Personally I think we just have a crap ton of really confused individuals with looser morals and ethics than ever before.
- OutofHisCloset
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
A few years back I was investigating a more active role in the SSN (beyond the forum and meet up groups), and I was told that most people are now directed to the Facebook group. I don't know if that's still true or not, but taken together with Anon2222's comments, I think it might explain the scarcity of new people on this forum.
- prettysure
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
...honestly, the trend I have been seeing is that more and more straight spouses just accept this as the "normal" of society today. "Sexual fluidity" just seems normal now-a-days.
I agree with this point and just wanted to share how this belief/acceptance factored into my own experience, as it's been mind-melting. My husband is in his 50s and recently disclosed to me that he is gay - lots of pain, insecurity, denial, generational/cultural fear going on for him there. We are both still unpacking this and I don't really know how we'll proceed. I am more than a decade younger than him and I'm realizing that my millennial "fluidity" is probably one of the main reasons I've put up with so much over the years. I have excused or overlooked SO MANY actions and words, most of which ignored my physical and emotional needs, while honestly thinking things like "everyone is at least a little bi, this doesn't really affect our love/marriage". Eventually, the signs and suspicions could no longer be ignored and I had been much more inquisitive and forward in the months leading up to his very reluctant disclosure. Once he told me, though, all of the dots were connected and I felt really stupid for just going along with the ride this whole time just because I adhered to fluidity as a societal norm.
Edit: When I refer to my "fluidity", I'm not talking about my own sexuality (I've always been confident in my straightness, haha), but rather how I previously ignored/dismissed now-obvious signs from my husband (at the cost of my mental health) because I was so attached to this "fluidity is normal, so I should be fine with it in the context of my marriage" idea.
Last edited by prettysure (Yesterday 4:13 pm)
- lily
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
wow - the possibility is that One Path is directing enquiries to another site?
yes things are changing rapidly these days, aren't they Anon. And you know if a bisexual wants to marry a sexually fluid partner then I'm not that concerned, I think they might have a lot of problems but it's a level playing field.
A straight needs a straight.
And I know how much it hurts to be the straight in a MOM, over time. It's the pain the straight spouse is in that keeps getting buried under the carpet.
Last edited by lily (Yesterday 3:39 pm)
- lily
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
Prettysure, just read your post - that is exactly what concerns me, younger straights believing there is no such thing, they aren't straight when they are.
- Anon2222
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Re: Cassandra Syndrome and AfDD in straight spouses
I can say with complete certainty that this whole pervasive new culture of we all just now apparently love everyone ruined my life. And the educated professionals who were supposed to be trained to help me in this situation caused me to stay in an abusive situation and get completely decimated as a person. And it's mind boggling to me.
When my former husband came out as bi (and after finding out the extent of the lies and just how much he had hidden from me) I wanted to get a divorce. At that time I was amicable and just wanted to part ways. He begged me to stay (lied right to my face about how it changed nothing, he only loved me, we were going to grow old together yadda yadda). Ended up going to counselling where I was told this was common, that it wasn't a big deal, that sexuality is fluid and a whole other giant load of bullshit. Nothing like having everything you feel get dismissed and be gaslit away.
I stayed in that marriage for 3 more years. I asked him frequently how he was doing, if there was anymore questioning, anything. I insisted he do counselling. He assured me everything was great. I booked a romantic get away for our upcoming anniversary....and he blind sided me with "I'm gay, I'm divorcing you".
The anguish I went through in those 3 years. The disgusting behaviour I put up with. The lies. I will never forgive him for that.
He even told me that he begged me to stay because he wasn't ready to get divorced. He knew the marriage wouldn't work, but he wasn't ready to come out fully and needed time to set up everything for himself. During those 3 years I made decisions based on being a partnership. Long story short I got completely screwed over. My entire life was ruined and I lost everything.
Had I just gotten a divorce 3 years ago, none of this would have happened.
I had several registered psychologists drag me down in this bullshit. They completely ignored the abuse. And they really fucked me up.
I have never once questioned my orientation. I am straight. I am sick of this BS that "they didn't know" or they "just figured it out". No one had to tell me who I was attracted to and who I wasn't. I knew. From a young age.
I truly worry about society today. Because I think we are going to really screw up a lot of people with all this BS political correctness/downright insanity.