thanks Elle.  its an old-fashioned phrase but still fits the bill doesn't it.

The board is quiet.  I don't think that's because there aren't straight spouses, maybe we've slipped out of the zeitgeist a bit. But I do think it's become harder to find us now that our name Straight Spouse Network has been taken under the banner of 'One Path'.  

I don't really know how to fix that, but I do know how bad it hurt being the straight spouse.



 

I haven't been on the forum nearly as long as others (it will be coming up on 5 years) - and I agree. At the beginning there was a lot more discussion and advice. Over the years, it has gotten less and less. I also hang around the reddit "straight spouses" on and off...honestly, the trend I have been seeing is that more and more straight spouses just accept this as the "normal" of society today. "Sexual fluidity" just seems normal now-a-days. Personally I think we just have a crap ton of really confused individuals with looser morals and ethics than ever before.

Anon2222 wrote:

...honestly, the trend I have been seeing is that more and more straight spouses just accept this as the "normal" of society today. "Sexual fluidity" just seems normal now-a-days.

I agree with this point and just wanted to share how this belief/acceptance factored into my own experience, as it's been mind-melting. My husband is in his 50s and recently disclosed to me that he is gay - lots of pain, insecurity, denial, generational/cultural fear going on for him there. We are both still unpacking this and I don't really know how we'll proceed. I am more than a decade younger than him and I'm realizing that my millennial "fluidity" is probably one of the main reasons I've put up with so much over the years. I have excused or overlooked SO MANY actions and words, most of which ignored my physical and emotional needs, while honestly thinking things like "everyone is at least a little bi, this doesn't really affect our love/marriage". Eventually, the signs and suspicions could no longer be ignored and I had been much more inquisitive and forward in the months leading up to his very reluctant disclosure. Once he told me, though, all of the dots were connected and I felt really stupid for just going along with the ride this whole time just because I adhered to fluidity as a societal norm. 

Edit: When I refer to my "fluidity", I'm not talking about my own sexuality (I've always been confident in my straightness, haha), but rather how I previously ignored/dismissed now-obvious signs from my husband (at the cost of my mental health) because I was so attached to this "fluidity is normal, so I should be fine with it in the context of my marriage" idea. 

Last edited by prettysure (November 6, 2024 4:13 pm)

Prettysure, just read your post - that is exactly what concerns me, younger straights believing there is no such thing,  they aren't straight when they are.

Hard to read because I can relate, although I got out relatively quickly. I am all for supporting people and their life choices, but it can absolutely go too far. Any guesses to my ex wifes profession??? You got it, Psychologist. She told me for years how her profession had the craziest people in it. What I know now, is that every thing a toxic/narc says is a confession, she was telling on herself the entire 19 years. Total mindfuck 

Anon2222 wrote:

I can say with complete certainty that this whole pervasive new culture of we all just now apparently love everyone ruined my life. And the educated professionals who were supposed to be trained to help me in this situation caused me to stay in an abusive situation and get completely decimated as a person. And it's mind boggling to me.

When my former husband came out as bi (and after finding out the extent of the lies and just how much he had hidden from me) I wanted to get a divorce. At that time I was amicable and just wanted to part ways. He begged me to stay (lied right to my face about how it changed nothing, he only loved me, we were going to grow old together yadda yadda). Ended up going to counselling where I was told this was common, that it wasn't a big deal, that sexuality is fluid and a whole other giant load of bullshit. Nothing like having everything you feel get dismissed and be gaslit away.

I stayed in that marriage for 3 more years. I asked him frequently how he was doing, if there was anymore questioning, anything. I insisted he do counselling. He assured me everything was great. I booked a romantic get away for our upcoming anniversary....and he blind sided me with "I'm gay, I'm divorcing you".

The anguish I went through in those 3 years. The disgusting behaviour I put up with. The lies. I will never forgive him for that. 

He even told me that he begged me to stay because he wasn't ready to get divorced. He knew the marriage wouldn't work, but he wasn't ready to come out fully and needed time to set up everything for himself. During those 3 years I made decisions based on being a partnership. Long story short I got completely screwed over. My entire life was ruined and I lost everything.

Had I just gotten a divorce 3 years ago, none of this would have happened.

I had several registered psychologists drag me down in this bullshit. They completely ignored the abuse. And they really fucked me up.

I have never once questioned my orientation. I am straight. I am sick of this BS that "they didn't know" or they "just figured it out". No one had to tell me who I was attracted to and who I wasn't. I knew. From a young age.

I truly worry about society today. Because I think we are going to really screw up a lot of people with all this BS political correctness/downright insanity.