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October 13, 2024 2:11 pm  #1


A Poem - He Never Said

Hello Beautiful People

I thought I would share a poem I wrote in the early days of discovery. My story is under Our Stories. Withholding the truth is Withholding Love. For those of you who find yourself in the earlier days, I ask that you hold on in all the moments of pain. I believe in you.=14.67pxHe never said I am sorry, he said I could say I was sorry for ever and it would never be enough  =14.67pxHe never said I have always loved you, when I said, but I loved you, he said don’t say that now =14.67pxHe never said, I never wanted to hurt you or the children, he said did you tell the children? =14.67pxHe never said, this is something I’ve been struggling with most of my life, he said I am not gay, when I meet someone else, it will be another woman. =14.67pxHe never said, I’ve been fooling you all these years, he said, the relationship had only been going on for the past year. =14.67pxHe never said, I know I should have told you the truth ten years ago, when you found the receipt for the women’s lingerie, he stayed silent. =14.67pxHe never explained what it is for a man to dress in female attire, he just did in secret. =14.67pxHe never complimented men, but when I went to take a bath and was concerned about no coverings on the window, he said, well, who would want to look at that. =14.67pxHe never said he had any sexual fantasies about dressing up, he complimented my lingerie. =14.67pxHe never said I think we should use a condom, when he potentially exposed me to HIV. =14.67pxHe never said, I waited  twenty five  years for you to discover my lie, he seemed surprised I had. =14.67pxHe never apologized for his boyfriend sending a bidet to our home on his birthday saying it was a gift from someone else, he said do you think that’s an odd gift from a male friend? =14.67pxHe never looked surprised, when I reiterated text messages like “does your wife fxxx you like that”?, he had no expression. =14.67pxHe sat indignant on the sofa the following night after discovery, when I requested space, he refused to leave. =14.67pxHe sat staring at me, waiting for my rage, recording me on his phone, and when I requested he stop recording me and I reached for his phone, he stood up and pushed me hard onto the wooden floor. When I lifted my head up, inches from the glass doors, dazed, he was standing over me recording me. =14.67pxHe never answered the door when the police came to serve the restraining order, he waited for them to leave. =14.67pxHe didn’t end up being who I somehow thought he was. I saw this dark side to him I hadn’t seen before.  =14.67pxHe seemed strategic, manipulative, selfish and callous. Sometimes I think I lost him in those moments, but then I realize he was never the person I thought he was. =14.67pxHe had created this person to protect his secret. and the better husband, father he was, the closer he held his secret. =14.67pxI wonder what it is like to live out your life in such a deceptive way. To proclaim you love people and then discard them in a heartbeat because you are so filled with shame. To not accept any accountability for your actions, but to hide. =14.67pxI never said, this is the worse thing that’s ever happened to me in my entire life. I never said I am so traumatized by discovering my marriage was meaningless, it’s hard to find a way forward. I never said, I am so devastated by how deeply you have wounded our children. I never said, I will be in disbelief until I take my last breath.  =14.67pxI said, how could you and how dare you?   

 

October 14, 2024 11:58 am  #2


Re: A Poem - He Never Said

Hi Deleted,

Thank you for sharing your poem. Sometimes it is hard to hold on in the early days, but as many of us have seen, things do get better. I hope you are over the worst of it.

Anon 765

 

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