Wow, it sounds like a pretty unprofessional therapist.  I also feel that there are unique aspects to our experience that require a little extra training on the part of a therapist.  

My first therapist was a nice enough guy, but kind of out of his league with my situation.  I ended up moving cross-country and starting over with a really excellent psychiatrist.  When I eventually switched to Medicare, she couldn't continue with me.  I've learned the hard way, there are very long waiting lists for mental health practitioners who accept Medicare.  

I don't think most practitioners are aware of the kind of person who drags an innocent person into a situation like this, so all too frequently they'll presume the gay spouse was trying to deal with a homophobic family or job situation, or something like that.  They miss the point: these people can be cruel.

For one thing, sex wasn't the only way my gay ex was cheating.  It was only when we were well into the divorce process that I discovered his financial cheating as well.  

Have you looked into any of the available online alternatives? They have several out there that you can "interview" the therapists to find a good fit, pay a weekly or monthly fee and have different levels of service. This way you aren't necessarily stuck with someone in your specific area.

It has taken a very long time in my life to find any affective therapists. The one I was seeing when my gay ex pranced out also was more sympathetic to him than to me. And I got the same push back....that wasn't my emotions/hurt/pain etc more related to my own homophobic ideals than what he actually had done *eye roll*

I had actually done a good chunk of research into LGBTQ groups receiving care and ran some seminars for my employer on proper accommodations, treatment, and ways to overcome internal bias and provide superior care for LGBTQ, homeless populations, minorities, on and on. I am so bloody tired of people acting like my problem is with him being gay.....no, it's with him being gay and marrying a straight woman!

Canary

My first therapist through all this was helpful.  She was a straight woman.  I know cause I asked.   I found this to be important..to talk to a normal straight woman...because my GX was not straight and definitely not normal.

So I can see your wariness with a therapist that suddenly changed sexuality ..its not that we're ho mophobes but rather we need to need to talk someone that we can identify with.

An example of my therapist's subtle but never direct advice; "  your wife is gay..do think that is something you can fix?"

You know know you are not the problem when you're in therapy, the kids therapy, the dog is in therapy but your spouse is happy and thinks nothing is wrong with themselves.