I live in PA. My spouse hid his trans identity from me until I accidentally found out in 2016. We went through the motions of therapy starting in 2019. His transmission to female was accelerated while I was misdiagnosed with BPD. I pulled myself and our son from that practice shortly after. Long story short, despite therapeutic interventions, trans spouse now wants a divorce so he can invest in real estate that I won't have rights to. That's fine in regard to him moving out. That part is overdue. But he refuses apartment dwelling and insists on buying, which I also understand up to an extent. We have one son, 15. I worked part time until 2017, when I was encouraged to step back by my husband so he could start his business. I stopped working and put my professional license on inactive status. I'm the primary caregiver. I do 85-90% of child care as it stands now. My husband works approximately 12 hours per day up to 6 days per week. Most weekends lately he must always go out fully dressed as a woman for breakfast alone on Saturdays. Then he goes to his place of business for hours. Some Sundays he spends around his son. Other Sundays he's gone for day long bike rides.
In the past week I made an appointment with a lawyer. Because I feel vulnerable and lack protection and knowledge. My husband is talking about using our home equity line of credit to fund his new property purchase. Keeping his name on our current house even after divorce. But the worst... He believes he's entitled to 50/50 custody even though our 15 year old son has expressed he does not want to leave the current family home or split his weeks or time between homes during the academic year. I have expressed to both husband and son, That's the husband is always welcome in this home, to visit, sleep over, share meals and holidays.... I have no concept how he is going to manage 50/50 custody when he works almost 60 hours a week... Why would he have an insistence on having his son when he won't even be home? Our son is used to coming home to a parent. While he is old enough to be home alone. That doesn't necessarily mean that he always should be. We have the gift of having a teenager that actually wants to hang out with his parents on occasion. When I inquired about this my husband told me well.. it's going to be very hard for you to parent him all the time because you have to get a job.. there's a lot of resentment because I haven't worked but very little acknowledgment over how me not working allowed him to grow his business and allowed out child to thrive.
I meet with a lawyer next week. I'm terrified. I know what is best for my son. And my son knows what's best for himself. Does anyone have any thoughts on this? I feel like my world is being pulled out from under me. I don't understand why any of this is happening. My child literally has 2 years and 10 months of childhood left... Why are we doing this to him?