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April 25, 2023 9:32 pm  #11


Re: Some positive thoughts

I found evidence after my late GIDXH's passing by Googling his name.  Some of these online sites don't have airtight security.

I found a second LinkedIn account for him using a nickname and same last name. It was private with a small number of followers and connections. I suspect this was for guy meetings. He loved social media and collected 100s of followers -- all public.

One incident was enough for me though. It may be for you too. Don't further traumatize yourself. You deserve to heal.  It still makes me queasy and sad to find these things.


No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 
 

May 14, 2023 12:03 pm  #12


Re: Some positive thoughts

Thanks for sharing your journey. Sometimes it's the little bright spots that make days beautiful. I found journaling especially helpful as I processed this news.

On the snooping, I couldn't stop until I had firm evidence. The snooping hurt, but it also was freeing. Someone telling me they had sex with my wife was the nail in the coffin on the lies.

Wishing you strength on the road ahead.

 

May 16, 2023 10:06 am  #13


Re: Some positive thoughts

Good for you, MJM - I understand the need for snooping. It's something gratifying about knowing you were right lol! I put a tracker on my husband's car and he twisted the story when I confronted him. Fast forward to almost 3 years later, and I'm happy I don't care what he does. He no longer gets the chance to disappoint me.  It took a lot of praying and therapy to get here! My Marital Settlement Agreement should be signed by both parties by the end of the day! YES!!! 

 

May 16, 2023 10:54 am  #14


Re: Some positive thoughts

Thank you all. I am reading all of your answers, and they mean a lot. 
As for my situation- it's been two months since my partner informed me that he started an affair with a man two weeks prior. I moved out shortly after (as soon as I was able to).
I knew that my partner of 13 years had an experience with a man shortly before we met. From time to time I would check with him if the attraction towards men still existed (he always said no). But I have to say, I am not angry, nor do I feel lied to. I think he lied to himself.
I was always loved by him, we were each others great support. I am very sure that he wasn't seeing anyone for a longer period behind my back. But honestly- it all doesn't matter. We are over, and now I am working hard on my new chance and new beginning in life. In the past two months I was able to realise how much I was hiding behind this man, because I didn't want to deal with my own fears. We will always be connected in the most meaningful way (I don't like the word spiritual because it's being abused, but I don't have another word for it at the moment). I have the best support in this matter, and all I can say is- it all doesn't have to feel so tragic and devastating. It did feel like it at the beginning, but now space opened up in my life, and new chances. I still cry sometimes, I miss him very often, but I am not contacting him and he respects that.
In our last conversation he explained that he is feeling totally lost, that he hates the world he has gotten himself into. I felt sorry for him, and I felt sorry that he is lonely, but I know I can't be the support person for him right now.
I think that the key to my progress was that I was able to accept what life threw at me fairly quickly. And let me tell you what helped me be quick about it: Couple of months ago I lost my mother. She was the absolute love of my life. Her sickness was the hardest thing for me ever. But! She was amazing. As she got sick, she started living her life to the fullest. She never, ever complained. We were always extremely close, but during her sickness our closeness reached a new dimension. We knew we had to let each other go. And we shared everything in the purest, most honest way. Her strength was amazing and helped me discover my strength. Her acceptance of her situation helped me accept it, and also helps me today with the loss of my partner. I am also not a person who can dwell on the past for too long. I live now. I try to be as well as I can now.
About snooping: I did find him on Grindr. But I have to say nothing shocked me. I just felt bad for invading his privacy. So i deleted and never downloaded it again.

Love to you all. I wish all of you people pure Joy!

     Thread Starter
 

May 16, 2023 2:50 pm  #15


Re: Some positive thoughts

Ellierig,

Sorry for your loss.

I don't know how I would have gotten through this without my parents..I can't help but think God allowed this to happen so I could have a relationship with them again in their late years.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

May 16, 2023 2:52 pm  #16


Re: Some positive thoughts

Gwendolyn,

Congrats on getting away.


"For we walk by faith, not by sight .."  2Corinthians 5:7
 

May 17, 2023 5:19 am  #17


Re: Some positive thoughts

Thank you, Rob! 

 

May 17, 2023 9:13 am  #18


Re: Some positive thoughts

Gwendolyn,
    I am also happy for you.

 

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