SameDeepWaterAsPhil wrote:

Her inability to own these decisions is remarkable.

Be prepared for a ton more of this. My EX-Fake LW is completely incapable of admitting error and only talks about "complicating things" when it comes to what she wants to do. (For those new, I call her a fake LW because she is with a woman, but has an online profile exclusively looking for men). While the internet will have you believe everyone is a narcissist, its not a ton of people. I dont know if mine is or isnt, but one of the hallmarks is inability to self reflect or self regulate. That means they are only able to see things from their own selfish view. 

I agree with the comments, get out as soon as possible. Respond only when needed and the absolute bare minimum, not a single word more. This will enrage her, but its key to your healing. I have never felt this good in my 25+ years of adult life, all health issues eliminated since I cut her out of my life. She still tries to get my attention and get responses out of me, but I am happy and moved on. Have a nice woman I've been dating, my home is peaceful, my kids know they are safe here when I have them. Hang in there. But know it will get worse, I am certain mine will too, but I am on the right path.  
 

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Thank you all for your responses. I can't express how comforting it is to me to have this forum as a way to compare experiences & get my bearings. I'm trying my best not to second guess myself. It's hard to take this stance with the woman I've loved for 30 years. I don't want to bear the burden of telling my children HER story. I'm so very sad, but also just emotionally exhausted, & yet so hungry for a female's care & attention after 2 years of neglect (and I'm not speaking of physicality). It tempts me to keep her near, even though she's tossed me aside long, long ago now. Still, I know I can't heal until we're apart & my kids can see me as a model of resilience in the face of adversity, bolstered by God's strength & love. Guys, this is just so, so hard.

SameDeepWaterAsPhil wrote:

 Guys, this is just so, so hard.

It is, you're right. As others have said, its going to be for a bit, but it does get better. I was 23 years in, not quite 30 but a long time. I am now at a place where I have no reactions and its truly liberating. You will get there too my friend. Keep the faith. One day at a time
 

Lots of great advice here and you're taking good steps. Re the kids, seems like high school age or older. Their generation are far more accepting these days than in past generations. Don't be at all surprised if all you get when you say  that Mom will be living as a lesbian might only be - Oh, Ok. It's really not a big deal to most teens these days.  But lying? Now that will hurt them. Shame on her for not being open with her own children. 

SameDeepWaterAsPhil wrote:

It's done. It's all done...

Glad you could get through this step! And you can get through the next steps one by one as well. I'm so sorry for what's happening to you and your kids.
I'm also very afraid of going through the same process with mine eventually.