Figuring it out... Hey 😊 welcome to our Forum. Although my children are all adults and out living in the world we still had one still at home when all this came to a head 5ish years ago and though he was working I believe he may have picked up on things that were going on in the house. Kids, whatever age... see it all, they just may not be able to process and verbalise it.
Depending on the child of course and your ability to age-appropriately discuss it I'd
always suggest honesty with and about loved ones, especially if they ask questions. Actually even if they ask no questions but you can tell they're troubled.

It's ironic/not ironic that these men who hide parts of themselves are often the best fathers, awesome partners on the outside. Living seemingly perfect lives

The relationships with your children are THE most important gift you have after the r'ship you have with yourself and they'll need you to know who *you* are... to know who to trust

Elle

Figuring-it-0ut wrote:

.....Elle, what do we even tell the kids... he is not ready to come out. I dont want to put him in that position either, there will be too many negative consequences from his family who will not be able to accept his reality. He is GID and I don't want to out him if he's not ready.

Not just about protecting him but its not a good way to start a healthy co-parenting situation. I also cant imagine either of our families taking it well and the BS from them that my kids will have to deal with. If the kids were older I'd say we can talk through this, but they are still babies. 

Yeah that must be tough, 2 young children to consider...and yip I'm glad I didn't have that 'one more thing on top of everything else' but as this change in the dynamic of your marriage is down to your husband I think you don't have to take on the burden of worrying too much about his choices because it seems he's already made them. He's an adult, do you really think he needs protecting? As mothers, wives, partners we tend to take on more of an emotional load when tricky stuff is happening just because that's how we're wired so now perhaps you need to decide which areas of the situation you need to take a step back from.

In my own r'ship (37 years together....5 years since Mindfuck moment....the last 2 years celibate)...it took me ages to find a place where I could not care about the things that used to sadden/anger me about our life. I imagine as a busy mother of 2 young children it will take a bit longer for your mind and emotions to sort through all this.....well it's crap isn't it? A real Mindfuck

Keep posting, keep reading, keep asking questions

Elle

I'm seeing it as protecting the kids. And for now that means their parents being on good terms with each other. What form that relationship takes is what I'm trying to figure out.

Layla I'm trying to find a therapist I can speak to... but it's been hard to find someone literally anyone that has an opening.

I'm so so grateful for this forum its the only thing that is helping me not feel alone. Reading everyone's stories is cathartic in a way I can't even describe.