I had these suspicions in my own vault. I also felt bad for him. I have to admit that has changed. I am ashamed to say I brought up the suspicions in a heated exchange.  I then quickly tried to bring up a female cheating partners, but it was too late. He was furious. I’m now terrified about legal abuse tactics and the potential fallout. I feel like such an idiot for letting my emotions get out of control. I’m really just upset with myself.

In my opinion, I believe that he is gay.

WF2020 wrote:

I had these suspicions in my own vault. I also felt bad for him. I have to admit that has changed. I am ashamed to say I brought up the suspicions in a heated exchange.  I then quickly tried to bring up a female cheating partners, but it was too late. He was furious. I’m now terrified about legal abuse tactics and the potential fallout. I feel like such an idiot for letting my emotions get out of control. I’m really just upset with myself.

Don’t be upset with yourself for being human. It was a natural response. Be kind to yourself.

Did any of you have spouses with long time “friends” that may have been more than friends? My stbx has had a same sex friend for as long as I’ve known him. This guy was our third wheel as newlyweds. He would spend long weekends at our house, come on vacations with us. He eventually got married himself and she and my husband hated each other. They enjoy going off alone together. My stbx hangs out late at night in the garage talking to him for hours at the time. I overheard mine bashing me to him, and them laughing. They are outdoors men and go off to remote places to hunt and have for years. This guys wife told me she thought they were gay, then later said she was only kidding. She even left him at one point.
My stbx is a serial cheater, he’s had multiple affairs with women but this same sex question is throwing me for a loop.
Is that “normal” behavior or abnormal male behavior?
I know I shouldn’t waste too much time on this since  we are separating anyway. Just curious if any of those things seem odd.

Thanks!

I realize this is not an acceptable relationship to me and I’ve been working to get out of it for over year. This has included retaining an attorney (he has done the same), lots of legal bs back and fourth (mostly him trying to paint himself as the victim), and a failed mediation. I feel so trapped. Realizing I’ve been married to a man with a secret closet for almost 14 years is a lot to deal with, and now he seems to be dragging it out and I feel even more trapped. He even said recently “you don’t just get to decide you’re done with your husband.” That’s kind of how marriage works, and he’s been doing his own thing for years, it’s time I had a chance to live my life. Meanwhile he’s spending a great deal of time with a male friend and I NEVER would have thought they were anything more than hunting friends. Now I’m honestly not so sure, it doesn’t matter but why won’t he just move on? Is he scared to be without a beard? I really don’t care if he’s gay/bi I wish he’d just decide to live an honest life, but ultimatley that is up to him. I just want out, desperatley.  It seems like recently the puzzle pieces of my life fell into place realizing he is gay. Especially the mood swings if he couln't meet a "friend", the constant talking to male "friends", seems like it was right infront of my face and I didn't see it. The way he would almost frantically have to get out of the house, and away from me. The lies and he was spending time with a male "friend". When we started the seperation process and I couldn't trust him I stopped having sex with him, that was 18 months ago. Wouldn't a cheater hetero be off with another chick by now? He still wears his wedding ring. He has really no femenine qualities, like steriotypical gay (and he always "couldn't stand men like that). It feels almost unreal. How much therapy is going to be required after this? He sadly will likely deny until he dies.

Last edited by WF2020 (October 8, 2021 5:00 pm)