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February 13, 2022 10:43 am  #1

Is he gay? Bi? Confused

My boyfriend 31 yrs old I'm 36 yrs old..of a year an a half does some very strange things.
1. Best friend whom he works with told me out of blue he's bisexual and likes to have anal sex with men.
2. He wants me to peg him "Dominate" him at least 3xs a week.
3. Won't touch my lady part but does like to give oral and doesn't have a problem getting hard.
4. Would never sleep at my house until i made a huge fuss about it and has started to spend the night after 7 months.
5. Let his best friend in #1 move in with him.
6. Went on a trip to NC to see his "best friend"invited me but didn't tell me when he was going until i couldn't request off work. Stayed in a hotel with guy from NC when they went to myrtle Beach for day n did couple outings such as went to beach, out to eat etc..
7. When he got home admitted to me he was molested and would never do that with a man. After i accused him of being romantically involved with #6
8. Is very secretive. My gut tells me something is very off but he's so manipulative and lies about most things.
9. Turned snap chat locator on his phone and was at multiple random houses when i was at work.
10. Catch him looking at and checking out men all the time.. but then it was women to mostly men.
11. Always avoids going to gym with me.
12. Grindr app said there was someone 8 feet away from me when i made an account and we were both home.
13. Another friend he would spend at least 3 to 5 hours with every thurs until i found out he texted him.."hey sexy. "
14. I've asked him if he's bi.. he denies it.. I've asked him if he's gay.  Denies and always says "I'm not betraying you. It's not what you think.
15. Asked me one time if i would be into cuckolding.
16. Wanted me to send him videos of me and my ex having sex.
17. Doesn't believe in God. Agnostic
I have never cheated on you." But snap chat shows different and so does his actions.. should i leave him? Please help so confused

Last edited by Shh0406 (February 13, 2022 11:12 am)


February 13, 2022 11:49 am  #2

Re: Is he gay? Bi? Confused

Do you want to leave? That’s the real question.


February 13, 2022 12:51 pm  #3

Re: Is he gay? Bi? Confused

I am so sorry for what you are going through. I was shocked and upset when I found out that my boyfriend was gay. He would not admit it. I finally got up the courage to leave. I am holding a good thought for you while you are going through this trauma


February 13, 2022 1:17 pm  #4

Re: Is he gay? Bi? Confused

Some of those things are definitely red flags. Can't say if he is bi or gay...
But seriously, if he's manipulative and lying, leave him regardless of his orientation. That's one of the biggest red flags in any relationship.


February 13, 2022 1:30 pm  #5

Re: Is he gay? Bi? Confused

Hello Shh,

Am sorry you're going through this. Please read through the first post of this thread if you haven't already:

First Aid Kit: How to survive finding out your partner is LGBT


Here it is as a podcast:


My best guess is your bf is not straight and not honest with you about it.  My late GIDXH was not interested in having sex with me after a year of marriage. He told me he had a repressed memory of being molested by a female family member. Having sex with me made him relive the trauma.  I don't know for sure if he was truthful.  He solicited a MTF (no surgery) transwoman for sex during our marriage.

It's not too late to stop seeing this person. My take is that he's looking for beard to cover what he knows or a person to suppress his confusion.  He's not ready for a real relationship with anyone.

Take care.

No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa 

February 13, 2022 2:20 pm  #6

Re: Is he gay? Bi? Confused

I'm just so tired of lies.. what i want is 4 him to stop n admit it.. why carry this on..i catch him in so many things and be manipulates and lies never once told truth..i don't now i feel like if i leave i could be mistaken.. like i really want to know be 4 i make that decision but its killing me

     Thread Starter

February 13, 2022 2:45 pm  #7

Re: Is he gay? Bi? Confused

If he hasn't been honest with you up til now he's not the kind of man 
who will ever tell you. 
You have enough proof to fill a house. If you don't have to live in the house.....move out. If you 
can't move out....yet....start making plans to do so


KIA KAHA                       

February 13, 2022 2:46 pm  #8

Re: Is he gay? Bi? Confused

Shh0406, this is not a trial, you don't have to present evidence. It's your relationship. You have right to say what behavior is unacceptable for you.

As for why he can't just admit it... well, manipulators never admit they could be wrong. He needs the relationship, he needs you as a cover, so that he can say: look, I have a girlfriend, I'm not gay!

Trust your own eyes and trust your instincts. Don't get trapped in lies.


February 13, 2022 2:57 pm  #9

Re: Is he gay? Bi? Confused

Thanks everyone..i know i just wanted to present some things that question his sexuality.. not normal compared to my past relationship..
I forgot to mention i don't think he cares about a cover..ill say why.. be 4 me he supposingly wasnt in a relationship for 3 yrs be 4 me.. but stated "i messed around with a couple girls"..i worked with him so i know he's not lying about that.

     Thread Starter

February 13, 2022 3:17 pm  #10

Re: Is he gay? Bi? Confused

I understand... maybe he does not want to admit it even to himself. 
Many of the things you listed show quite clearly he's into men. You can read this thread about "red flags" if you want. https://straightspouse.boardhost.com/viewtopic.php?id=1803


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