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January 3, 2022 12:12 pm  #31


Re: My husband turned my life upside down

yes indeed.  same with my ex, no making him happy - it is a cruelty to have put me in the position of trying to make him happy.  I like the term nothingness too but I stand by my use of the term cold.  what else are you going to call it.  just in simple logic you give the warmth of your love and don't get any warmth back - that's cold.

It's a warning.  I remember how I thought of my husband like he was a teddy bear I could hug him and feel safe.  Then I started to see him as having the coat of a teddy bear for me.  That's the point at which reality started to seep in through the cracks in his deception.  It was a bit distressing not that I had any frame of reference at the time, really I had no idea how distressed I was at the time.  It is only looking back I can see that and how I started looking away from him then.

 

 

January 3, 2022 10:52 pm  #32


Re: My husband turned my life upside down

Until he has been tested by a psychiatrist and diagnosed ADHD, that is just an excuse not a reason.  He should get a diagnosis and if he is ADHD try medication and therapy. That helped my son hugely with his identity issues.

Past trauma, NPD and BPD can manifest in similar ways to ADHD.

And gentle awkward people can also be very manipulative. No one type has a monopoly!

 

January 4, 2022 3:10 am  #33


Re: My husband turned my life upside down

Soaplife: I never said anything about ADHD. Autism is something different. He would like to have an official diagnosis, we tried to find some options, but in our country it is only possible to diagnose autism in children. Adults are simply left to cope with it any way they can. It's sad.
I've met several people with NPD, I know the symptoms and (as much as my non-professional opinion is worth) this is not it, either.
I'm not so sure about BPD, but the only matching symptom seems to be the distorted sense of self.
Past trauma is the thing. He has a lots and lots of it.
I agree these things are not any kind of excuse. 

     Thread Starter
 

January 4, 2022 11:43 pm  #34


Re: My husband turned my life upside down

Marianne my apologies for my mistake, I'm sorry if I upset you.

 

January 5, 2022 5:25 am  #35


Re: My husband turned my life upside down

It's all right, Soaplife. I was not upset, just confused at the sudden change of topic

     Thread Starter
 

January 10, 2022 10:46 am  #36


Re: My husband turned my life upside down

I’m so sorry that it’s so hard. That is a lot of different stages to go through. Sounds like there could be away to make it work since you still care about each other but will probably need a lot of therapy to adjust <3 hugs to you

 

January 11, 2022 3:52 pm  #37


Re: My husband turned my life upside down

awholenewworld: Thank you for your kind words. If only I could find some way how to make it work!
Yes, we still care about each other. But we also managed to hurt each other very seriously during last year.
And I have to admit that I cringe when I see him in female clothes. I don't know if that is something I can adjust to.

     Thread Starter
 

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