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- Soaplife
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
Helpme25 wrote:
Is it wrong of me to feel bad for him? To leave him ? I guess my heart still loves him but my mind says otherwise
No not wrong - but feelings are not facts.
Your mind is looking at his behaviour - that is a fact - and telling you this situation is very bad for you and your children.
Keep reminding yourself that you did not cause his behaviour. You can pity him but you also must keep you and your children safe.
It takes a while to let go of the feelings and for the heart to catch up with the head.
- Helpme25
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
Is it wrong of me to feel bad for him? To leave him ? I guess my heart still loves him but my mind says otherwise
No not wrong - but feelings are not facts.
Your mind is looking at his behaviour - that is a fact - and telling you this situation is very bad for you and your children.
Keep reminding yourself that you did not cause his behaviour. You can pity him but you also must keep you and your children safe.
It takes a while to let go of the feelings and for the heart to catch up with the head.
It’s just so devastating the whole thing he was apart of my life for almost 10 years I’m just so torn between breaking my family up and leaving to make myself happy atleast what I feel.
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Thread Starter- Helpme25
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve to have a husband who isn’t attracted to me Who doesn’t want me I can never compete I will always lose because I am not a man no matter what I do no matter how much I will change it will always remain the same that he will never want me the I way I deserved to be wanted or to have someone that is in love with ME
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Thread Starter- Gloria
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
Please don't get discouraged. There are straight men (real men) out there. The gay men need to be with gay men and stop trying to pass.
- Daryl
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
"I'm worth more than this treatment." Keep this in mind.
At the moment, you may not know what the future will bring if you move on, but I think you certainly know what will happen if you do not.
Last edited by Daryl (November 8, 2021 9:15 am)
“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
- walkbymyself
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
I think that one thing that happened to me was that I was robbed of the ability to drive my own life ... and being around people who tended to take charge of me was counterproductive, even if it was well-intentionned.
But with a new baby on the way, it's also important to have someone willing to roll up their sleeves and get to work so you can at least get sleep and build yourself emotionally. That sounds like it means you should be with your mother. But also, having this massive stressful thing you have discovered about your husband is going to be exponentially worse with the stress of a new baby in your life. Normally I think people should wait before confronting ... but I think you need that much out of the way before the baby arrives.
If you told him you needed to stay with your mother after the baby came, that would at least give you a little breathing room. You'd be in a position to tell him what you'd discovered and you don't want to have that stress in your life with a newborn. Does that make sense?
- Helpme25
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
I think that one thing that happened to me was that I was robbed of the ability to drive my own life ... and being around people who tended to take charge of me was counterproductive, even if it was well-intentionned.
But with a new baby on the way, it's also important to have someone willing to roll up their sleeves and get to work so you can at least get sleep and build yourself emotionally. That sounds like it means you should be with your mother. But also, having this massive stressful thing you have discovered about your husband is going to be exponentially worse with the stress of a new baby in your life. Normally I think people should wait before confronting ... but I think you need that much out of the way before the baby arrives.
If you told him you needed to stay with your mother after the baby came, that would at least give you a little breathing room. You'd be in a position to tell him what you'd discovered and you don't want to have that stress in your life with a newborn. Does that make sense?
That makes a lot of sense. I am trying to wait til after Christmas just so my daughter can have a Christmas with her father because last year she wasn’t with him
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Thread Starter- Helpme25
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
"I'm worth more than this treatment." Keep this in mind.
At the moment, you may not know what the future will bring if you move on, but I think you certainly know what will happen if you do not.
Your right. I half to keep telling myself that
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Thread Starter- Helpme25
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
Please don't get discouraged. There are straight men (real men) out there. The gay men need to be with gay men and stop trying to pass.
I’m trying not to get discouraged and just keep reminding myself that he is gay there’s no future
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Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: WHAT DO I DO
I don’t deserve this.....
No you don't. None of us do but we all take a different path to get through this and this head/heart battle we all struggle with takes time, depending on our individual strengths and situations....to overcome. For myself it was a switch that turned on to show me that though I loved him...he was showing me that he didn't love me in the same way
and, if I looked back on our life, he had actually held a piece of himself back from me. With the switch flipping on came the realisation that self-preservation was a tool I had to sharpen myself.
I still have a respect for this man I live with because apart from the 5% of him (his words) that is interested in men he is still invested in the life we made. But the person he could wind emotionally around his finger is no more.
You'll get there Helpme
Elle
KIA KAHA