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1 of 1- MMM2
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Very Confused
My husband recently told me he is bisexual. It came as a total shock to me. We have been married for a while now but he said he just realized it in the last year or two. I asked him how this changes our relationship and he said it doesn’t. He just thought I should know. Here is where I am confused. He has never been with a man (not a requirement obviously) and if our relationship will not be changing, he will get to fulfill that side of him I guess so to speak. None of this makes sense to me. I am worried he will one day come out fully as being gay. How do you overcome this? Why am I having such a hard time?
- AffirmationsJ
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Re: Very Confused
I'm really sorry for what you're going through. You are entering a very confusing time. You are not alone. I think "having a hard time" is a normal reaction to finding out that your supposed best friend was keeping something really important about himself hidden from you.
The one thing I would say is to confront the revelation head on as a couple and get professional help, both of you. Don't sweep it under the rug and try to go on as if everything is normal. I know I did that and after 6 more years of marriage and having two small children my ex said what he really meant-- that he was gay and wanted to experience true love which he could only find with a man.
If there's any chance that's what he actually means, you should probably try to tease that out so that you know what you are really dealing with and can then make a plan together for a path forward.
Hang in there. You may feel like your life is collapsing around you. Take care of your physical and mental health to the best that you can during this confusing time.
- MMM2
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Re: Very Confused
My husband did not have an affair and does not want an open relationship. I guess that also adds to my confusion because with a quick internet search I see that it is quite common to want/need that. I actually have a family member that was in a heterosexual marriage and after years and couple kids later came out as being gay. I feel like my life if quickly becoming that. I definitely believed I had entered into the traditional heterosexual marriage. We have been married for 7 years and have 3 small children together. I already suffer from anxiety and some insecurity within our relationship, so this is just adding to it. I am scared I won’t be able to get over this hump and will have to separate which will then effect our children. Our marriage has been a little rocking for the last year due to work schedules, the stress of small children and overall lack of time. He doesn’t seem to understand why I am so confused and having such a hard time with this.
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Thread Starter- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Very Confused
MMM2 wrote:
My husband recently told me he is bisexual. It came as a total shock to me. We have been married for a while now but he said he just realized it in the last year or two. I asked him how this changes our relationship and he said it doesn’t. He just thought I should know. Here is where I am confused. He has never been with a man (not a requirement obviously) and if our relationship will not be changing, he will get to fulfill that side of him I guess so to speak. None of this makes sense to me. I am worried he will one day come out fully as being gay. How do you overcome this? Why am I having such a hard time?
You overcome it by seperating your husbands needs from your own. If he wants to explore this may mean he'll be having sexual relations with another man. How does that make you feel? It's something you can't reverse once you say you're okay with it
And remember...by saying he's "just realised it in the last 2 years"...he's probably been thinking about it for a lot longer. After reading a few articles and accounts of other straightspouses..these feelinngs don't suddenly appear out of nowhere.
Post here, ask questions, be prepared for honest answers. This is something I can't sugar-coat anymore. Having a bisexual partner who wanted to 'explore' with a man and "maybe one day be fucked by a man" destroyed my trusting 32 year r'ship with him.
Elle
KIA KAHA