I've been a member here for...gee I'd have to go back and check....going on 4 years? Maybe I've been here to long
Many times when I log on I don't feel there's much I can contribute because it seems to have become a place to bring the latest article or book one has read or survey found and sounding like a site full of counselors talking to each other.
I'm not wanting to offend anyone but there don't seem as many true straightspouses here who are distraught and scrabbling for kindness, advice and help anymore, and I wonder why that is

Again...not wishing to step on anybody's toes just expressing my opinion

Elle

Never underestimate the importance of being a beacon of hope in the dark despair of loneliness that is the path of the straight spouse. I literally had nobody to talk to or turn to in my darkness. This site is now a repository for the emotions of all of our combined experiences, so that now many will find their answers without having to ask. There is so much benefit in the cathartic bond that new posters find in the heartfelt empathetic understanding of what becomes their new “tribe”.

Listen……

Feel……

Understand….

Reassure….

Support…..

We are all unique, as are our stories. But we do share a unique pain that only we truly understand. Words are  always open to misunderstandings and semantics. Empathy is not, it is felt and simultaneously shared as the purest gift bestowed on humanity.

4917 days…

Last edited by Ordinary guy (August 13, 2021 3:27 pm)

Yeah, that's how I felt, most of us tend to be feeling pretty isolated one way or another by the time we find this board.

I see it as all about ground.  The more lies you absorb the less reality you can touch.  So there you are engaged in that inbuilt process of weeding out the lies, and your partner, the one you trust the most is feeding you more lies instead of helping in setting you straight.  We end up walking around in a swirling fog of confusion but still we have the strength of honesty in us.

So well let's revert to just telling my story.  I woke up one morning somewhere around the age of 50 and thought I need to have more ground.  Behind that thought was a sense that my ground had been encroached on by x bit by bit and now I had none left.  I had no idea what this meant in practical terms, or how I was going to regain it but some sort of process kicked off in me.  Eventually I get to the point where I am questioning his denial.  Immediately I think why did I marry him if he really is gay and I am sitting in the privacy of my studio and type my question into google and found this forum.  I got an answer here straightaway - because you didn't know.  Thank you.  

If I had known I would not have viewed him as a romantic prospect in the first place.  And he knew that.

So now I call him x not ex.  This is because I don't want to think about him any more I have pulled him back up into the frame and that's enough.  He's x now so he doesn't have any more relation to me, not even as an ex!



 

Last edited by lily (August 13, 2021 7:36 pm)

MJM017 wrote:

I've been here pre-COVID, and COVID's been an added challenge and stressor while healing from this TGT mess. 

This community has been a lifesaver during this double whammy. I think it's been that for many if I may say.

Definitely for me.  People who get it and are brave and generous enough to share their unvarnished experience.  A place of truth. What a relief.

I was helped for reading the posts. If the support group is making changes what not have everyone follow the golden rule. Think before you type. Treat others the way that you want to be treated.