hikerjohnm wrote:

....... I know I am straight, yet not sure how to best authentically support my wife.

 

You sound like you lost something , can't remember where you lost it, or whether you should go look for it because you don't know if it was just a dream. 
But you can't "authentically" support another person until you fully explore and come to understand what this Mindfuck has done...is doing....to yourself. 
Our changed spouses often lean on our sympathetic natures because they expect it, almost like if we accept what's happening to them....everything will be okay. But they can also not give us, the left behind spouse...the support we need so before you lose yourself step back and take stock of where you are and what's happening

Elle
 

CMaree23 wrote:

....Our spouses didn't 'change' they just weren't able to be themselves for a plethora of reasons all very personal and specific to each person. We haven't all been 'left behind' and my bi husband gives just as much support as he receives.

This isn't about your bi husband and his support though..this is about somebody else' wife, and I can only comment through my own thoughts and feelings about the 'self' I lost when I thought that it was my partner who needed the help when it was myself I needed to focus on

Elle
 

Ellexoh_nz wrote:

this is about somebody else' wife...

Elle
 

Yes,it's about him and his journey into understanding himself. He didn't speak ill of his wife. Didn't say she was not supportive of him. Didn't say she left him behind. You projected your experience onto this in a negative way.

I think it is important to remain as objective as possible and not bombard new people with our own pain. Sharing your experience and your struggles is one thing but assuming every situation is like your own is not always helpful. You could've expressed your experience in taking time to get to know yourself and love yourself without cutting down the non straight spouse.

Yikes....first of all, thank you for taking the time to consider the situation I am in - though you all can only know the tip of the iceberg here.  This has made me self reflect on what trust is all about - primarily trust in myself. Brene Brown has a fantastic video on this, which I need to explore. It's not a decision my wife has made, and if there was any decision it was to be brave enough to come out knowing the pain and discomfort she will need to deal with. She is not sexually active, does not have a partner she is leaving me for, but also does not want to be sexually active with me.
I guess I'm looking to better trust myself, not lose myself identity, and support her. She does get upset when others check in to see how I am, how I'm handling this.  Not quite sure I have an answer to that yet.

John