I understand how all of you feel. I was always proud of myself for that having bias against gays and lesbians. The only gay friends I have are online.  Several years ago, my husband at the time worked with a lesbian. When she would start drinking, she made me uncomfortable because she would look at me like a man would look at a woman. I hate the fact that all of us are in this horrible nightmare of a situation. I have been deceived by a gay man and if he ever comes out, his gayness will be celebrated. I am sure that very few people will have sympathy for his deceased wife and myself. I have problems with pride week too at this time in my life. 

longwayhome wrote:

Upside, I believe it’s their own hate for themselves that they take out on us, however way they can.

That's a helpful perspective I'd never considered. Thank you, Longwayhome.

onceuponatime wrote:

Let me start by saying that I don't have anything against how people chose to live their lives, as long as they are honest with themselves and those around them.
I am having a difficult time with people celebrating Pride month this year. I feel like people are happy for my husband coming out as gay, and for "embracing who he really is". But what about the damage to me and our son? What about the pain that he has caused me? Nobody thinks about the collateral damage that his actions have caused.

 
Same here, onceuponatime.  People tune out the unpleasant truth. Some closeted LGBT were nasty pieces of work to straight spouses.   I despise homophobia, too. Don’t know why he took out all the pain and shame he felt on me.

Last edited by MJM017 (June 4, 2021 10:13 pm)

My wife came  out in March. It is raw for me. She got some pride stuff without regard to my feelings. First I was bitter and it really hurt me but as a supporter of the community at large before d day I refuse to let the few rotten apples that have ruined the lives of so many straights here ruin this flag. I have a bi sister and some gay friends. They are wonderful people and I do not want to paint them with the same brush. I currently have a giant pride flag flying in front of my house. Her idea (bi wife, high chance closeted lesbian; I had to listen to lady gaga born this way blasting from speakers in front of my house as she let my four year old hang it up _i had no idea, I am still traumatized). Some days it hurts like hell, but you know what? That flag is the key to preventing closets and ruined lives. The more visibility, the more acceptance and as a result less straights hurt. It  is hard and I am sure this post won't make me popular, but if you can embrace the flag it can slowly be liberating. Let's own the damn thing rather than have it trigger us. I see it as empowerment for the straight spouse. She sees it as her empowerment and I support her in that, but I have an alternate motive as well. Mine is an F U to the bigotry in society that led us all into so much hurt. I get the anger, our spouses are not excused for the pain they caused. All of your pain and hatred is righteous, but by taking it out on the pride flag we are inadvertently supporting the bigotry that was a major cause of our hurt. Everyone here is justified in hating the flag. It triggers me too, but I am slowly turning it around. I support a straight flag too. Maybe with a giant straight black arrow over the rainbow flag. I would love to fly it beside the pride flag. I bet then all of a sudden she would no longer fly it in front of our house. But she owes me a grand flag ceremony. Perhaps with a suitable song blasting from the speakers. She remains closeted...