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- Ellexoh_nz
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Re: Just needing feedback from people who "Get It"
Carly1227 wrote:
you guys have really helped me through a BAD Day!
How's it all been Carly?
Elle
KIA KAHA
- clintonia
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Re: Just needing feedback from people who "Get It"
My narcissist-gay-in-denial-ex-wife once said that ‘marriage is a battle for moral superiority.’ And she literally meant it.... [T]here was zero moral introspection on her part when it came to her deceit. She still feels morally superior even now after the divorce. She has never apologized for her absurd behavior and likely never will.
I empathize with you on this, Victo!
I feel for you Carly. The quarantine has been hard in general, but it's especially difficult in manipulative situations. Elle has started with some great steps! Sending lots of good wishes your way.
- JoDownUnder
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Re: Just needing feedback from people who "Get It"
Hi Carly. I'm very sorry for your current situation. He sounds truly awful. Please see a lawyer and make certain your finances are safe regardless of whether you leave him.or not. I'm 61 and last year I got a much better job - permanent full-time which I'm happy about.
I think that you will be much happier of you leave him and get a job you like. Please do what you can so he can't rip you off.
I have 2 senior dogs with heart conditions and love them dearly so empathise.
- Rob
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Re: Just needing feedback from people who "Get It"
Carly,
I can identify with the controlling by anger. Fear, obligations and guilt were my GXs main attributes but she was never happy even when I bent over backwards and was totally compliant. I will not say their anger gets any better..more like as you take back your life and stop needing anything from them their anger just becomes rants of a crazy person. ..you start to see the abnormality and unkindness in their treatment of you..like even a stranger would be kinder.
Slow and steady..baby steps forward..the mills of God grind slowly but they grind exceedingly fine.
"For we walk by faith, not by sight .." 2Corinthians 5:7
- MJM017
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Re: Just needing feedback from people who "Get It"
Hi Carly,
I hope your days are getting better. Am sorry about the state of your marriage. I can totally relate.
My late GIDXH ran me ragged with dumping all adult responsibilities (including working a job) on me. He’d abuse me or tell me a cry baby story about himself keeping the status quo intact. He was responsible & hardworking while courting me. It took a few years for him to very slowly manipulate me to his advantage. What a useless moocher.
I gained 60 lbs the last ten years of marriage. I gave up wearing makeup, fixing my hair- depression & was afraid I’d cheat since my marriage was sexless for years.
One day, I snapped & decided to get out. Hope & self-confidence snowballed from there. If I did it, anyone can. I like Elle’s suggestions a lot.
Take care of yourself!
Best,
Maria
No - It's not too late. It's not hopeless. Even there, there's something I can do. I just have to find the will. Ikiru (1952), film directed by Akira Kurosawa
- Upside
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Re: Just needing feedback from people who "Get It"
Amazing advice here.
My only addition might be a reframe: maybe you needed this exact moment of pain to take the next step.
If you can't rely on your husband while depressed, locked in a room with him, during a global pandemic, then why in the Hell is he there?
When I was in couples therapy my counselor said "Marriage is here to make your lives better" and it was like a canned laugh track went off in my mind. Better? Ha - really?!! I was so accustomed to a world where I was putting out someone else's endless fires that I forgot that we were both supposed to be made stronger by it.
When you evening routine isn't working you mix it up. When a process at work is broken, you flag it and change it. And when your husband who is adding more problems to your plate than solving, you be honest with your husband to what you need (comfort, sex, not being a creepy a-hole) and/or contact an expert to help you see what your options are.
We have one life. One.
What would you ten years from now tell you to do today?