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Straight Spouse Network Open Forum

This Open Forum is funded and administered by the Straight Spouse Network (SSN), a 501(c)(3) nonprofit that provides support to straight spouses and partners who have discovered that their spouse/partner isn’t straight. Your donations allow us to provide important support and resources that straight spouses can't find anywhere else.


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April 1, 2021 12:29 pm  #11


Re: Confused male with a bisexual partner

Thank you for clarifying these details, Itsclem. From my perspective, this timeline is scary.

She lacks introspection. Her inability to find out what she likes is causing you significant pain. This confusion is unlikely to stop here, as indecision seems to be her destination.

Saying she "needed the male form" is a weird, legalese way to say she wanted a relationship. It sounds like she wanted to have sex with a man after an extended break.

Her confusion would be fine if she just was realizing that she liked peanut butter more than chocolate. But she is admitting that having sex with a woman wouldn't be enough to keep her happy. She can't fathom living without an actual relationship with a woman.

Now all of this is bad news. She is confused about herself. She needs to be in a relationship with a woman and you are a man. But then...

Your accident. In your most vulnerable time of need, the exact month you are in critical condition, her mind is thinking about women. I'd leave just on this point alone. The lack of care shown for you is disgusting. 

One pattern I've seen in cheating circles is that when a partner is mentioning opening a relationship then a potential partner is already in view. She isn't thinking in the abstract about sex, she's thinking specifically about a relationship with a person she knows. I would bet money that she acted on her impulses while you were in the hospital. This is how she knows just sex won't be enough.

In my opinion, she sounds like she feeds off of this chaos. Hers. Yours. This partners. My fear is that she's using you for financial stability while she finds the next (female) partner. Or that she cons you into being her stable resource while she can play. This is a common pattern here as well. If there is a chance of a payout due to your accident then she may be waiting for this to hit also.

Sorry for this long reply. I could be way off base, but this is my belief against what you have shared. It's an impossibly tough situation. My only question is: do you want to explore an open relationship? Because if yes, then give it a try. If not, then this really has no future. She needs an emotional relationship with a woman and this is delaying the inevitable.

Wishing you strength and happiness ahead.

 

April 2, 2021 12:05 pm  #12


Re: Confused male with a bisexual partner

Upside wrote:

Thank you for clarifying these details, Itsclem. From my perspective, this timeline is scary.

She lacks introspection. Her inability to find out what she likes is causing you significant pain. This confusion is unlikely to stop here, as indecision seems to be her destination.

Saying she "needed the male form" is a weird, legalese way to say she wanted a relationship. It sounds like she wanted to have sex with a man after an extended break.

Her confusion would be fine if she just was realizing that she liked peanut butter more than chocolate. But she is admitting that having sex with a woman wouldn't be enough to keep her happy. She can't fathom living without an actual relationship with a woman.

Now all of this is bad news. She is confused about herself. She needs to be in a relationship with a woman and you are a man. But then...

Your accident. In your most vulnerable time of need, the exact month you are in critical condition, her mind is thinking about women. I'd leave just on this point alone. The lack of care shown for you is disgusting. 

One pattern I've seen in cheating circles is that when a partner is mentioning opening a relationship then a potential partner is already in view. She isn't thinking in the abstract about sex, she's thinking specifically about a relationship with a person she knows. I would bet money that she acted on her impulses while you were in the hospital. This is how she knows just sex won't be enough.

In my opinion, she sounds like she feeds off of this chaos. Hers. Yours. This partners. My fear is that she's using you for financial stability while she finds the next (female) partner. Or that she cons you into being her stable resource while she can play. This is a common pattern here as well. If there is a chance of a payout due to your accident then she may be waiting for this to hit also.

Sorry for this long reply. I could be way off base, but this is my belief against what you have shared. It's an impossibly tough situation. My only question is: do you want to explore an open relationship? Because if yes, then give it a try. If not, then this really has no future. She needs an emotional relationship with a woman and this is delaying the inevitable.

Wishing you strength and happiness ahead.

your perception is very insightful Upside, let me have a ponder on the points you’ve raised. I’ve already decided that she’s on her way out, the drama has been too much from start to finish, and I’m sick of the confusion in her head being translated into “our/my” problem, the only thing I think you might be wrong about is whether she actually slept with anyone whilst I was in hospital, in any case I am beyond caring now. She’s the one with the problem, and you’re the first on here to speak clearly about my actual question. Many thanks 
 

     Thread Starter
 

April 2, 2021 9:07 pm  #13


Re: Confused male with a bisexual partner

clem - I read your copy of her post and I think oh she's having a look see for a new girlfriend.  Someone who will be sympathetic to her 'plight' will do just right.  could be wrong of course, but that's how it struck me.

 

April 3, 2021 5:26 am  #14


Re: Confused male with a bisexual partner

Hi lily, thanks for taking the time to reply, I was sympathetic to her plight, I’m just not happy about using my disability as an excuse, my physical and mental health need to come first now, with the benefit of a couple of weeks of her not knowing I’m beginning to see this much clearer now, I think she needs to go on her own journey and realise what she’s left behind, I’m done with trying to be an empath and understanding her mental anguish with this. I need to clear my mind, hey I’m a level 7 qualified financial adviser, I’m not daft, but I really can’t fathom her mind and anguish any more.

     Thread Starter
 

April 3, 2021 5:45 am  #15


Re: Confused male with a bisexual partner

glad to hear it Clem.  imo it is probably her way of 'making a living' I have been caught a number of times giving a hand to one of these women who I think is very nice and maybe needs a helping hand right now, only to find she wants an arm and a leg to go with it.  

I am very sorry to hear you have had such a bad accident.  I am hoping you have family around.

wishing you all the best

 

April 8, 2021 3:15 am  #16


Re: Confused male with a bisexual partner

lily wrote:

glad to hear it Clem.  imo it is probably her way of 'making a living' I have been caught a number of times giving a hand to one of these women who I think is very nice and maybe needs a helping hand right now, only to find she wants an arm and a leg to go with it.  

I am very sorry to hear you have had such a bad accident.  I am hoping you have family around.

wishing you all the best

thanks lily thankfully I do have family around who have been amazingly supportive around my exes desire for exclusivity 

 

     Thread Starter
 

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