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February 1, 2021 7:51 pm  #21

Re: My Wife's Invisible Friends

Thank you Upside.  Yes, I didn't waste much time - I wasn't even fully divorced before I fell head over heels in love with a man I had known for a long time.  For three weeks I was full of happiness, really lovely to have experienced it.  Then his wife who had left him came back again.  so I am in the same boat as you, having an argument with a figment,  and the coffee table better watch out!


February 15, 2021 1:55 pm  #22

Re: My Wife's Invisible Friends

My wife continues to beg forgiveness.

She admits to having multiple affairs, but men only, only emotional and the women were all just "good friends". She is unaware I have audio tapes, GPS visits, numerous hotel visits, and a conversation with an escort that proves otherwise.

She is now asking if we can still all live together after the divorce. This will be the 30th time I've told her "No", but she will keep asking. That's what she does as she tries to bend reality. I now default to believing she is lying, but it has been a hard road to get here.

Whatever extreme things I can dream up, she's a leap or two ahead. The night before Valentine's Day she is alone with our child on the couch. I come in and she doesn't know I'm there. She is clearly on a dating app, looking at women, swiping left and right. I watch her for two minutes just to allow my mind to catch up with reality. She's cruising for sex while cuddling with our kid. An hour before she tried to get back together. Of course, I think. What did I expect?!

She tucks in our little one emphasizing "Good night, my one and only true love", trying to turn the knife a bit, glancing at me with a smile as she leaves the room. 

Life will be different a year from now. That's what is keeping me focused each day. One step in front of the last.

     Thread Starter

February 15, 2021 3:27 pm  #23

Re: My Wife's Invisible Friends

oh wow.  Upside, these are the toughest yards you are doing now.  I remember being stretched to my limits, once he couldn't stop me easily through manipulation that wasn't the end of it, it he kept trying to stop me from going ahead with the divorce, it got pretty bad and then the next stage was getting easier as he had got as much as he could get in terms of finances and my silence and signed off.

what a good resource your sleuthing has given you - oh wow.  I look back now and I am pretty amazed at the way I just , oh look I made this large terracotta planter pot, it had a whole bas relief landscape on the front and on the side where I signed it, I put an earthworm turning.  The worm turns, I wrote in the clay, and I knew it was happening to me but my goodness did it ever, and I stood up and ended that marriage on almost no information at all.  Just the map of my bruises.

Yes, exactly - the thing about forgiveness is sure it is there in me but I'm not offering it up when all it does is open me up to being offended against all over again.  

I just want to say you are being great, Upside - strong and caring, I bet you are a good father.  I think you have every chance to have a lot of happiness in your future, hope so.



February 17, 2021 11:58 am  #24

Re: My Wife's Invisible Friends

"Just the map of my bruises"

That's stunning poetry Lily. Wow!

I wish I had your courage. I've been too week to trust my own feelings. Too scared to believe what I found. Too deep into my sunk cost fallacy that believed tomorrow she will learn her lesson. The one who needed to learn a lesson was me.

Thank you so much for the kind words and encouragement. Means the world right now.

Last edited by Upside (February 17, 2021 12:06 pm)

     Thread Starter

February 18, 2021 8:31 am  #25

Re: My Wife's Invisible Friends

thanks Upside.


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