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So today, I admit it, I checked my husband's texts and he texted a picture of a very funny picture that he and I took on our walk. It was supposed to look like a candle in Christmas lights but it looks very much like a penis in someone's window. So we had a good laugh about it but today I saw that he texted this picture to his ex lover and said it was Hustler's Christmas light display or something like that. He texted it to other friends too as a joke. I notice that his ex lover did not text him back.
I'm not sure if I'm over reacting, but I am jealous because I think no contact should mean no contact. He told me he would have no contact with him.
We have been doing well overall. We've been working on our marriage and really talking a lot and close physically. I am aware enough to realize that his bi feelings don't just go away. He still has desire for this man, I think. He is wrestling with this as am I. I am not sure whether to ask him about this or let it go. If I bring it up it will most surely cause a fight as I read his texts and he will feel that the christmas light thing is a joke....
I don't know, I think I may never be able to get over this and really trust which is terrible because my husband and I are very close despite all of this. Aaaargh!
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Trust is the hardest thing, isn’t it? My husband asked me to hold his hand today, and I started crying. I don’t want to touch him anymore... and I am not sure I ever will...
and I am not sure I will ever be able to trust him again. How can I let my guard down again? Ever again? Not sure we ever get over this...
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So, I am happy to report that I talked to my husband about it and it led to a very good discussion. I am not sure what is going to happen but I know we will each be alright even if we separate.
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Dear Deceivedandsad,
Thank you for your response. Your story of just holding your husband's hand is so poignant....I am sorry you are going through this. It is such a difficult journey. I am here if you need to talk.