Troubled soul,
  You are doing a very difficult thing.  You did a difficult thing, separating your sleeping and living spaces. And it hurts. 
    Your husband wants to change himself, but he also wants you to continue as you were to him.  He wants your emotional support while at the same time dealing you a deep blow.  He can't see that changing himself requires that he no longer can expect for you to be for him what you were.  He makes his appeal to you based on how difficult this will be for him.  Yes.  It will.  That's called consequences.  His decision has consequences for him, although of course he would prefer to get what he wants and not to lose anything he already has.  But when you go to your wife and tell her that you hate being male, and you are thinking of transitioning to live as if you were a woman, you have altered the terms of your marriage contract, and you can't expect to live by the old terms anymore.  And to continue to expect she do so is unrealistic and unreasonable. And reflects a certain entitlement.  
   
   
   
   
  
   

OutofHisCloset wrote:

Troubled soul,
 
    Your husband wants to change himself, but he also wants you to continue as you were to him.  He wants your emotional support while at the same time dealing you a deep blow. . And reflects a certain entitlement.  
Full disclosure - I am beginning to realize that maybe I have put him on this path of entitlement. Initially when he came out to me first, after i was done with the shock and sadness, i had been telling him that he will always have my support. That I always wish him well.. no matter what the circumstances. I felt so sad for him that life had done this to him that I just wanted to make it right..That even if his family who has historically repressed him in early childhood due to which we are standing at this juncture today, does not support him, I will. I asked to see his morphed photos from the app. He did not initiate. I told him he looked stunning (which he fucking did). He had morphed one of our couple photos and then said "we would make a very beautiful lesbian couple" to which i said, I am very straight. He said he knew and  understood and cried and hugged me.

These were all early mistakes right? I am showing support and continuing to be his sanctuary, then why will he not come to me..I need to do better. I don't want to make more mistakes and then go about correcting them. Just that it's hard to figure out what i am doing right now.
 
   

i feel so much anger. I have destroyed so many things in our home this morning. He is off to work. I couldn't stand out pictures toegther and we had them eeyrwhere in our house. I saw his computer and saw him chat with trans community.. his profile pic was that of his new avatar. I was so angry i destroyed so many things in our home.. i took apart all our photographs.. knifed them, tore them apart..i feel such deep anguish... his fucking profile photo is that of his trans version. i just want to burn the house down and myself

Troubled Soul, How are you feeling? Getting through each day, One at a time....sometimes One minute; one second at a time is all we can do.....but, it's good enough! Get through one, and then another...they add up.
(((((HUGS)))))

Oh my goodness, thank you for keeping us updated troubledsoul. Today I kept thinking about you and what you’re going through and wishing there’s some way to help. You are doing a great job, just keep riding the ups and downs and observe yourself with no judgement. There are no right or wrong choices during this time.

One podcast was talking about how anger is a step up from depression, so that’s good, and plotting revenge is even better yet, because it means you’re actively planning and moving forward. Eventually (they say) we get to a place of acceptance and interest in our new life and freedom... all that to say, please don’t feel bad about any emotions you need to go through.

I wanted to say also, that I do not at all think you made mistakes by offering to go through the tradition with him, and then realizing that that would not be good for you. You were being noble and generous and selfless to offer (what a kind and loving person you are!) but it was like a person with only a jacket in freezing weather offering to give it up for someone else. Such an awesome offer, but horrifically selfish of anyone to accept it from you.

I too offered to help my husband transition, and over the years I’ve sacrificed every part of me to try to help him find happiness.  It’s too much. And he was too selfish. He took and took with no remorse, thanks or concern for my well being. Even then, he gave up trying to become his “real self” and is back in some sort of closet. Now it’s time for me to be free.