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February 13, 2020 1:37 pm  #11


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

I cant even tell you how much I relate to your post. Its been a huge struggle of mine lately. I have been away from my ex for almost 2 years and even after having met a great guy.. I had this wave of terror that came over me randomly that stopped me dead in my tracks and made me push away the great guy. The problem I have is I am pretty content right now to try to find myself again and get my confidence back, but being 30.. my family has alot of opinions about me dating again. Basically I tell them, I am simply not ready to trust yet. I home someday I do again. Maybe with the great guy... maybe with a different guy. But I know one thing for sure... the way I feel right now and my world view (same as yours) is not healthy for me to start a relationship. The way I feel I will question everything they say and do and obsess as a way to protect myself from going through this again. 

 

February 14, 2020 12:10 am  #12


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

In my experience especially looking back I have to say if they are extremely homophobic!  I had never been around someone in my entire life as homophobic as my Gay Ex.  Now I know this red flag!  I also came across this youtube channel his name is MJ Harris and he is a gay man who loves to answer questions and give advice I happened to see a video he posted last week titled "is my husband/boyfriend gay"
His number 1 sign in that video is indeed extreme homophobia. He has some insightful videos I have looked through.

 

February 14, 2020 6:57 am  #13


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

This is probably a stupid question but one I can't stop thinking about. 

Is there such a thing as gay music?   I read somewhere once that there was a connection - many gay men like Cher, Madonna, and some other singers.  

 

February 14, 2020 8:25 am  #14


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

IgnoranceWasBliss wrote:

In my experience especially looking back I have to say if they are extremely homophobic! I had never been around someone in my entire life as homophobic as my Gay Ex. Now I know this red flag!

Oh em geeee YES!!!! I can't agree with you more!! I was never really against gay people before I married my GEH too. Soon after we're married, I was surprised how much he HATED gay people like it's wrong in God's eyes or it's the society doing that, or they're just being gay for fashion blah blah blah it was crazy!
So yes, I think that is something I guess I can look out for in future "if" I ever meet somebody.

Thank you for reminding everybody that, that was a good example of red flags as well!

     Thread Starter
 

February 14, 2020 9:20 am  #15


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

JoeC wrote:

It is so frustrating when I hear it....
"I always thought she was gay"  "There was always something about her"
"She did seem a little on the sporty tomboy side of things"
"O I knew this for a long time" and the worst..... "How didn't you know"

Then I go down the anger hole of "why didn't anyone tell me!" 
Also, having any future women I am interested in meet a few of my closest friends so my friends can get a gut check about her as well.

I'm sorry I can only imagine how frustrating it must be. I had some natural behavior of my ex's that was a bit too feminine for a guy but those are something I finally see clearly when I "look back" those moments that didn't fully click in my gut. So did my friends, they're now realizing some weird movement just like your friends. 
I guess it's really hard to see those signs as actual warning signs when we're loving someone. I was definitely blinded, maybe I tried not to look at it at some point. No one got married imagining if we ever have to doubt the love we were getting from the one we loved, doesn't have the same exact meaning like ours.

Love is blind........how well said is that lol.

But now you know you got many good/trusted detectives who can work with you. Like you said, just bring the new face and have them observe investigate which I think that's pretty positive breeze ;)

     Thread Starter
 

February 15, 2020 8:37 am  #16


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

MJM017 wrote:

Leslie77 wrote:

This is probably a stupid question but one I can't stop thinking about. 

Is there such a thing as gay music?   I read somewhere once that there was a connection - many gay men like Cher, Madonna, and some other singers.  

Yes, there are gay icons (Cher, Madonna, Judy Garland) and those who are gay. It’s a great question. People identify with music viscerally. You don’t know why you like some genres or acts over others but you do. Maybe I’m reading too much into this - if you’re gay you identify with those who accept you.

If a guy is in the closet, he will never admit to liking these people. My GIDXH ridiculed these gay musical icons.

Uh huh thought also Prince. And I believe there're even TV shows that are iconic for gay people. I think I heard that they tend to watch Grey's Anatomy or something. lol

     Thread Starter
 

February 15, 2020 9:55 am  #17


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

If we could detect gays from straights none of us would be in the positions in which we found ourselves. 

Also, gay and non-gay people alike like the music of Prince and watch shows like "Grey's Anatomy."   I understand that we have been traumatized, and that the fear of ending up in another relationship with a closeted person is real for us, but this kind of profiling makes me uncomfortable.

 

February 15, 2020 11:17 am  #18


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

I couldn't agree more with OoHC. I believe it's more important to use critical thinking and watch for anomalies in what they say and do. Someone who's not being 100% open with you should likely be avoided no matter what their orientation is.
 


“The future is unwritten.”
― Joe Strummer
 

February 15, 2020 11:47 am  #19


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

Someone asked about gay music and some named Madonna and other names as example so I honestly did not think specifically Prince and Grey's Anatomy will be taken differently. I was not intend to profile anything at all. When I searched a lot about my GH a while ago, I read some article that saying some TV shows as signs or the entry to a gay world. I should've educated myself first. I'm sorry, hope you understand my true intention.

I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable..

Last edited by lavender-mocha (February 15, 2020 11:55 am)

     Thread Starter
 

February 15, 2020 12:27 pm  #20


Re: How to detect guys if they're gay or straight...?!

Sorry for asking my question.  I was right, it was a stupid question.  I apologize.  

 

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