I cant even tell you how much I relate to your post. Its been a huge struggle of mine lately. I have been away from my ex for almost 2 years and even after having met a great guy.. I had this wave of terror that came over me randomly that stopped me dead in my tracks and made me push away the great guy. The problem I have is I am pretty content right now to try to find myself again and get my confidence back, but being 30.. my family has alot of opinions about me dating again. Basically I tell them, I am simply not ready to trust yet. I home someday I do again. Maybe with the great guy... maybe with a different guy. But I know one thing for sure... the way I feel right now and my world view (same as yours) is not healthy for me to start a relationship. The way I feel I will question everything they say and do and obsess as a way to protect myself from going through this again. 

This is probably a stupid question but one I can't stop thinking about. 

Is there such a thing as gay music?   I read somewhere once that there was a connection - many gay men like Cher, Madonna, and some other singers.  

JoeC wrote:

It is so frustrating when I hear it....
"I always thought she was gay"  "There was always something about her"
"She did seem a little on the sporty tomboy side of things"
"O I knew this for a long time" and the worst..... "How didn't you know"

Then I go down the anger hole of "why didn't anyone tell me!" 
Also, having any future women I am interested in meet a few of my closest friends so my friends can get a gut check about her as well.

I'm sorry I can only imagine how frustrating it must be. I had some natural behavior of my ex's that was a bit too feminine for a guy but those are something I finally see clearly when I "look back" those moments that didn't fully click in my gut. So did my friends, they're now realizing some weird movement just like your friends. 
I guess it's really hard to see those signs as actual warning signs when we're loving someone. I was definitely blinded, maybe I tried not to look at it at some point. No one got married imagining if we ever have to doubt the love we were getting from the one we loved, doesn't have the same exact meaning like ours.

Love is blind........how well said is that lol.

But now you know you got many good/trusted detectives who can work with you. Like you said, just bring the new face and have them observe investigate which I think that's pretty positive breeze ;)

If we could detect gays from straights none of us would be in the positions in which we found ourselves. 

Also, gay and non-gay people alike like the music of Prince and watch shows like "Grey's Anatomy."   I understand that we have been traumatized, and that the fear of ending up in another relationship with a closeted person is real for us, but this kind of profiling makes me uncomfortable.

Someone asked about gay music and some named Madonna and other names as example so I honestly did not think specifically Prince and Grey's Anatomy will be taken differently. I was not intend to profile anything at all. When I searched a lot about my GH a while ago, I read some article that saying some TV shows as signs or the entry to a gay world. I should've educated myself first. I'm sorry, hope you understand my true intention.

I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable..

Last edited by lavender-mocha (February 15, 2020 11:55 am)